La Jeune Fille

Everyone's entitled to closure... Am I right?

Shouldn't we, when a relationship ends (whether it be romance or friendship), have closure to the relationship? A way to understand WHY it's ending? Instead of being left out of the decision making process?

It only seems fair.

Same goes for many other decisions in life.

You don't go around in life allowing others to make decisions for you, while leaving you completely out of the process do you? You're entitled to have your own opinion. Make up your own mind about it, and even if it's out of your control, at least you were there while the decision was made, rationalized, and concluded. There to be a witness, thus giving you closure.

Oh how I wish for some sort of closure.

So I'm watching TV on mute, (sometimes I like it quiet) and a Dolce Gabbana commercial came on... And in an attempt to promote their product and how desirable it is, they show a couple racing through an airport heading towards security with a bag full of D & G product (watches, necklaces, etc), before they get to the x-ray area they put all the product on their bodies. They try to walk through the x-ray machine but because they're wearing so much jewelry they are forced to walk through again but before they do they take off their pants... I dont get it... Why would you take off your pants???

Like that makes you look like any less of a loser because you have great legs?

Dude, you're busted... Don't get caught with your pants down. Especially when the cops throw on the handcuffs.

Stupid commercial.

If you haven't seen it, click here.

is snow.

Hmm... And maybe a pair of Uggs to keep my toes warm when I'm out playing in the snow.



I want them so badly... but definitely not as much as world peace.

And maybe for my Twilight Series box set to come soon... I ordered it on Amazon the day after I read the first book... And it wont come until after Christmas... I know, I know... It's taboo to buy yourself stuff right before Christmas but really... No one knew I'd want it, and it was on sale... A really good sale. The kind of sale that is really a sign from God telling you to get it.

Ok, maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself but it was half off. What more could I expect?



So now I'm waiting (not so) patiently for it to come... I know it wont be here til after the 25th but I keep looking on my front porch just in case... Maybe the delivery fairy felt pitty for me and decided to bring it early. Or the Amazon people wanted to trick me into thinking it wont come until way later (when I'd ordered it on TWO DAY shipping) just to have it come early as a little thank you to me for my business...

It happens...

Anywho, a girl can dream, right?

But seriously, all this crap is temporary. In a few years the books will have been given away for someone else to enjoy and the Uggs will have a hole in them or otherwise become so obsolete that I throw them away... So I guess what I'm saying is that what I really want for Christmas are good memories.

I feel guilty about my last blog... It made me sound like a Negative Nancy, and I'm not. At all.

So to rectify the situation I'm going to tell you something happy.

For the past month and a half I've been working every Sunday after church with about 30 kids in preparation for a Christmas play. Which happened tonight. I didn't think it was going to go as smoothly as it did. I was pleasantly surprised.

I think the parents were too. We had so much to do and in such a little time that we were doing it by the skin of our teeth. I think what helped really was the practice play we did the night before for a bunch of CCD kids. It was... entertaining. We didn't have Mike, our music guy there... So the kids had to sing a Capella. And well, sing we'd only practiced the songs 3 times, an hour each, it was a little difficult. But we laughed through it and made it to the end without complete fools of ourselves.

Tonight, however, we had all the bells and whistles we didn't have last night. We had the music, a spot light, and a crowd of adults.

It was big.

And we pulled it off so well. Everyone clapped after each song was sung, they laughed when one of the little kids didn't know what they were doing on stage, and there was a standing ovation after wards...

All in all, the hard work and stress was worth giving these parents this gift.

... In more ways than one... I'm in the dark.


Ugh. I can't sleep. When I want it most, my thoughts are keeping me awake.

I want to shut them out. To just close my eyes and not think... Thinking hurts too much.

It's causing this empty hallow feeling in my chest and it's making me sick to sound so melodramatic, but it's true.

How ironic that I feel so low now even though my day wasn't bad. In fact, God blessed me in more ways than one. One being, it snowed. In Yucaipa. My whole life (well, the part I've spent living in Yucaipa which is the majority) it's never snowed in Yucaipa. And on the eve of the Christmas performancing I've been directing, it snows. It was like a little gift waiting for me when I left church tonight. My car was covered in it, covered isn't the right word... My car was enclosed in perfect, white snow.

I had to scrape it off all my windows.

Now that I think about it, that was the moment that sent me down the path that I'm now on. It made me think of her.

My best friend. Or should I say ex? Hmm... She was more like a sister, a kindred spirit. Or at least to me, our relationship was like that.

I know in an earlier blog I said I was moving on... But apparently it's harder to do than say. Most days I can deal with it. But it's days like today where I want to pick up the phone and tell her "Oh my God!!! It's SNOWING! It's so awesome!" and get the same enthusiasm back, that makes not having her around so painful.

What makes it worse is I don't know what I did to make her stop talking to me. Unlike me, she holds things in, when she's mad at someone she wont go to them and say so. She'll avoid them.

I'm a talker, I don't yell... because seriously, where does that get you?

I want to tell you why you hurt me so that you know.

I don't get how holding it all in works either.

I keep replaying the last few conversations I had with her before it all stopped. There was no warning. It just stopped. I stopped trying, to put it more accurately. Maybe that was the problem. I was working to hard at the relationship in the end and she wasn't. Maybe she saw the end before I did. Expected it and so it didn't hurt her when it came. I must've been so distracted looking up into the sky to see the wall before I slammed into it...

I ran TWO miles Thursday!!! I'm so excited!!! I can't believe I did it!!! I've NEVER run two miles before! It's exciting... Reaching this small goal has made me realize I can achieve my main goal... THREE miles!!! I can do it!!!

Okay... I gotta get to bed so I can get up early and run!

Ok... I have a confession to make... I read the first book in a day...

Saturday night I got home late and despite my exhaustion forced myself to read the first chapter... I wanted to read more but my eyes kept closing on me.

(You know when you're hooked when you continue to read with only one eye open)

The following morning in the wee hours my sweet little dog woke me up to be taken outside to use the bathroom... At 3.40 in the morning...

Thanks Chestnut...

Again, despite the fact that I could easily fall back asleep I picked up the book and started reading... Bad idea...

I didn't go back to sleep. Instead I stayed awake and read until I had to get up and get ready for church. I read almost 300 pages before church. Surprisingly I got ready pretty quickly and left.

I didn't get back home until the evening, but the moment I got there I immediately picked the book back up and continued to read... I read on the couch, at the gym, and in the kitchen while I was making dinner... I would have read while showering but my friend would've killed me for getting her book wet.

Suffice it to say, I finished the book at 11pm.

After having less than 5 hours of sleep the night before, I had no trouble drifting off to sleep...

Now if only had Edward been there to HUM me to sleep...

I can't understand why people like to ruin things for others... It baffles me...

For example. Those people who (when at a fast food place) ask for a cup for water and then fill it with soda... Pretty soon all the fast food places will be charging for a cup for water to counter balance the cost of the people who cheat and take soda.

They ruin it for us.

(Thanks a lot)

The point I'm trying to make is that people have now ruined the book Stephenie Meyer was writing as companion to Twilight, same story but written from Edwards point of view, called Midnight Sun. Apparently before it was finished, it was illegally leaked onto the internet for mass distribution essentially ruining the story... AND now it's on hold...


Indefinitely.


A HUGE part of me is dying to know what's inside Edwards head, not only does Midnight Sun give an insight into his reasons for his actions and his emotions, it also gives us an answer to what he does when not with Bella... Very intriguing...



Just look at that face... Who wouldn't want to know his thoughts???


(Fortunately to make me feel less guilty... Stephenie posted it on her website after it was out... I feel saddened by this betrayal of her trust and hope she can overcome it some day to finish this book... I know it'll be good)

You can find a PDF copy here.

If you're curious as to what Stephenie had to say about it you can click here to read about it.

Now, while I don't condone what this person did, I can't keep my curiosity at bay...

After all, I'm only human.

I'm going to see Twilight!!!

FINALLY!!!

I've been waiting for the crowd to disperse so that I can fully enjoy the movie on the big screen... Now it's me and Edward Cullen time...

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm an independent contractor which pretty much means I'm self employed but I'm lucky...

I consistently work for one company (and as in company, I mean one person).

(Thank the Lord I have work, cuz the economy SUCKS right now!)

Anyway... We had a meeting down at the Laguna Beach office today and being the only girl was... interesting.

Being the only girl there I got to see men in their element and how they work with each other...

Men can piss each other off and then ten minutes later be cool... I dont know about other women but it takes me a little while to cool off, not forever, but not ten minutes either!

The main company I work with has three principles, and all three are working on this rush job (that btw needs to be finished by December 6... can we say "Screwed"?) But since we're not even CLOSE to being finished and they have a meeting with the clients tomorrow tempers are short, everyone's doped up on caffeine and we're all a little sleep deprived which makes for a bad mixture.

And on top of all of this, two of the men in the meeting are used to being the lead on their jobs, put two together and heads are going to butt...

Here's how it went down...

Alpha Male 1: Is M working on the cash flow charts?

Minion: I gave him the cash flow chart.

Alpha Male 1: (irritation already in his voice) That's not what I asked.

Alpha Male 2: (entering the office) What did you ask???

Alpha Male 1: (huffs) Is M working on the cash flow charts?

Alpha Male 2: We gave M the cash flow charts. (with a lil'tude) I don't know if he's typing on his little keyboard at this very moment...

Alpha Male 1: (irritated, said more as a demand less as a question) Well, can't you find out?

Alpha Male 2: (annoyed) Alpha Male 1, your phone is right next to you, just call down to him and find out yourself.

Alpha Male 1: (Turning away from Alpha Male 2, towards his computer) That is not what I asked, just find out if M's working on it. It needs to be done now. (Even though it was only given to M ten minutes before)

Alpha Male 2: I don't understand how you need to ask someone else to call down to M, when YOUR phone is sitting on the desk right next to you.

Alpha Male 1: (Back still to Alpha Male 2) Just find out.

Alpha Male 2: (Flexes jaw, flips off Alpha Male 1 to his back and walks out of the office... to go call M)

Guess there can only be one alpha male.

Just wanted to stop and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving while my pie's in the oven...

*Sniff sniff*

...What's burning?

Ahh! My pie! Gotta go! Have a great one!

This past weekend my mom and I undertook the task of reconstructing our entertainment center...

My "brilliant" idea.

(The weekend before that we had tiled the entryway and underneath the entertainment unit, which now looks beautiful. See below...)




Ahem, so back to my "brilliant" idea...

One evening, or maybe it was a Sunday... Anywho, we were watching HGTV (which always gets me to believe that I can redecorate my entire house for only $500, pfft) and it dawned on my how ugly our entertainment center is. It's a really tall entertainment center where you set the TV inside...

I figured, if we take off the top and cut it down and reattach the top we can set the TV on top! Brilliant idea no?

Want to know how the story ends? Scroll down.

Before...



After!



Who says construction's a mans job? Haha... Actually I would... I will never take on something like this again... I hate circular saws.

I really think it'd be nice if dogs could talk... Or maybe just mine. Sometimes I'd really like to know what they're thinking...

Earlier this morning my dog was laying on my bed next to my with his head on my lap. I was working away on my laptop and he clearly wanted attention, attention that I was trying so hard to deny him. And he just sat there, staring at me and wagging his tail. He was wagging it so hard that I could feel the movement through the bed. At that moment it would've been really nice if he could just TELL me what he wants.

Do you know how hard it is to try and get information from a dog?

It amazes me how cute kids can be sometimes... Thanks 'Cali Girl' for sharing this with me!!!

Dear inconsiderate jerk driving the car in front of me tonight,

Yes you. I saw you, I know what you did... Throwing your garbage out of your car door and into the street... I cannot believe you did that, and your lucky my father was in the car or else I would've taken your trash and followed you around until you parked and thrown it at you... Okay, maybe that's an empty threat but that threat shows you just how much I DON'T appreciate you littering. Stop being lazy and pick up your dang trash and put it where it belongs. Or else next time I'll ram your car... Another empty threat? Maybe... There's only one way to find out.

Sincerely,

The person who believes the earth isn't your trash can

*Inspired by Clear Girl Goes Blog

So you're probably wondering why I haven't updated you on my status on training for the 5k in February...

Well, just to let you know. I haven't dropped the ball (training wise), I've actually started running on the treadmill at my gym instead of outside. Because of the time change, during the week when I wake up at 5.45 it's still super dark outside and that doesn't exactly motivate me to jump out of bed and go for a run.

Especially in my neighborhood...

Thankfully my college is right down the street and their gym opens at 6am for all those crazies who like to get their workout in before the crack of dawn. Like me.

Anywho. I don't know if it's just me but doesn't it seem like it's easier to run on a treadmill versus the track???

Since I've made the transition to the gym I've been able to get up to a mile and a half! That may not seem like much to you, but to me it's huge!!! I've NEVER in my life run more than a mile...

And when I was forced to run the mile it was in middle school and part of the time my friends and I'd walk... We were too cool to run, for reals.

So that three mile goal seems a little closer now.

Yay me.

sucks...

I have a new found appreciation for people who work in construction... It is NOT easy!!! I had a dinner party this past Saturday. Not only was it for the express purpose of the enjoyment of my friends all together in one place but to get the entryway in our home tiled (aka ulterior motive).

Since my mom purchased the home back in 2005 it's been under a constant state of construction... Do you know what that feels like? No? Well let me explain...

The moment we (meaning her, cuz at this point I was still living on campus... Thank God!) moved into the condo she ripped out all the cabinets and appliances in the kitchen and gutted the bathrooms, bought new appliances and cabinets, replaced the carpet and wood floors and repainted throughout the house... Ambitious much?

Since then nothings been the same... I don't even remember what base board looks like... I was so used to having a concrete entryway that every time I walk through the entryway I stop and stare at our new beautiful tile!!! Which my mom and I installed... Okay, so she layed the tile... But I helped with the grout which is really the hard part... It's like mud and makes a mess. Think youre OCD with washing your hands 20 times a day??? Try again, after spreading the grout over the tile and into the cracks you have to let it dry...

And then wash it... Let it dry... Wash it... Let it dry... Wash it...

Get my drift? It's an OCDer's fantasy.

After washing it so many times your body just aches! My mom's amazing cuz I only helped with the grout and washing part, she had to lay the tile too!!! I'll post a picture of it later! It's beeyouteeful!

On to the base board!!!

I just dont get it.

Not only do I attract gardeners and truck drivers but now, weird men on the freeway.

Is this what our society has digressed to? Instead of being hit on in person, now it's not only through cyberspace but through separate cars driving at high speeds???

This depresses me.

What happened to chivalry? To being woo'd (if that's even how you spell it)?

What happened to ROMANCE? Courting? Face to flippin' face relationships?!?

It's like the world has become devoid of human contact, we're breeding generations to communicate to each other and have RELATIONSHIPS through the computer??? What is that all about?

You're probably thinking I'm crazy or out of mind or paranoid. No. I assure you, I'm none of these things. Let me explain.

The other day I was driving along, minding my own business when out of my peripheral vision I notice a car that's been riding next to me for a while. I look over and the guy smiles at me. Being who I am, I just figured he was being friendly so I smile back.

Big mistake. BIG.

He continues to ride next to me. But now, to get my attention, he's waving his hands. I look over and he's grinning and waving me to come over (ahem, come over where?!)...

I laugh because I realize at that moment, how sad the situation was... and because he was making a fool of himself and my laugh just couldn't be helped. He starts making hand movements which I suppose meant he wanted to talk to me and to get off the freeway.

(Yeah right, like I want to be murdered by some loon who's trying to pick me up on the freeway, I watch CSI)

I shake my head no (all the while smiling because I am in complete and utter shock that someone is trying to pick me up on the FREEWAY) and speed up to get away from him. In order for me to accomplish this I had to move into the right lane since the car ahead of me wasn't driving the speed I deemed suitable for getting away from the loon.

Big mistake number two.

He thought I was getting off the freeway, so what does he do? He follows me. As I watch him slide across two lanes and speed up to get behind me I start to worry: Is this guy gonna follow me to the office??? Fortunately, for me, I like to push the limits of what my car is capable of... And sometimes I fantasize about being a stunt car driver. At the last possible minute, instead of exiting the freeway I swing back into the slow lane and continue on my way. Sans loon.

Happy ending yes?

Well, maybe not for the loon.

Yes, that's right. I said it. You know they're on all of your minds this month! Why? Because it's breast cancer awareness month of course!

(Duh)

Anyway, we all know boobs are an important part of life. They are the source of nutrition for our babies, great as a shelf to set our plates (if you were blessed with big ones), and well God put them there for a reason!

I wanted to post a blog about this because my second cousin had breast cancer, she's now in remission (thank God) but only after a lot of effort on the part of the doctors to kill the cancer cells through chemo therapy and finally the unfortunate removal of one of her breasts. Thankfully insurance pays for cosmetic surgery for such a thing and although it'll never be the same, she still has her shelf.

Praise the Lord!

So. What I'm here to say to all of you... Ladies and gentlemen... Is to check yourself! And check often! Getting that annual mammogram is awesome and all, but it isn't enough.

Do your at home self-examination. For everyone's sake.

And hey, did you know:

One in eight women or 12.6% of all women will get breast cancer in her lifetime.

Breast cancer risk increases with age and every woman is at risk.

Every 13 minutes a woman dies of breast cancer.

Seventy-seven percent of women with breast cancer are over 50.

Approximately 1400 cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in men in 2000 and 400 of those men will die.

More than 1.7 million women who have had breast cancer are still alive in the United States.

Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54, and the second cause of cancer death in women 55 to 74.

Early detection of breast cancer, through monthly breast self-exam and particularly yearly mammography after age 40, offers the best chance for survival.

Ninety-six percent of women who find and treat breast cancer early will be cancer-free after five years.

You are never too young to develop breast cancer! Breast Self-Exam should begin by the age of twenty.

Last night I watched the Bucket List with my mom.

(Netflix. It's the best thing since sliced bread. I love that I can go online, make a list (so long that it'll take months for me to get through it) and wait patiently, or sometimes not so patiently for it to arrive in my mailbox. How great is that?)

Anywho. I've decided that, although I'm not on my deathbed or have 6 months to live, I'm going to make a PREBucket List. I've experienced enough death in my life to realize that the time God gave us on earth is a huge blessing. Each day I thank Him for that day and I don't want to let Him down by not making each day as great as possible.

1. Visit every continent

2. Run a 5k marathon

3. Ride in a hot air balloon

4. Plan and execute a road trip across the country

5. Read the whole Bible

6. Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally

7. Attend the opening ceremony of the Olympics

8. Grow my own garden

9. Surprise my mom with flowers

10. Send a message in a bottle

11. Learn not to say yes when I really mean no

12. Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab

13. Be a mentor

14. Learn to juggle

15. Learn to live slowly

16. See all seven wonders of the world

17. Visit Walt Disney World

18. Eat a meal good enough to be my last

19. Pass on family traditions

20. See the Mona Lisa (actually I can check this one off)

21. Learn to sail

22. Become fluent in French.

23. Choose a country (ahem, French) and learn not only the language that is spoken there, but also study its customs, its cuisine, its art, and its history

24. Parachute

25. Slow dance at the top of the Eiffel Tower


My list could really go on forever.

So what's your PREBucket List???



A few quotes to inspire you...

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." Helen Keller


"Consciously seek out experiences that expand your sense of who you are and what you are capable of."


“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss

I'm writing to let you know that this past week has been one of the hardest weeks I've had to live through. Last Saturday (October 4th), my Nama passed away. For almost two years now she has been in and out of the hospital with a hand full of medical problems including COPD, Congestive Heart Failure, pneumonia, etc. About a month ago she went in for a routine doctors exam and found a urinary tract infection which was treated with antibiotics, however when she returned home she was having trouble breathing and her BP was low. Her doctor advised my Aunt Kelly to take her to the emergency room where she was admitted. There they found that she had contracted MRSA, a type of staph disease. After about 3 weeks she was sent to a rehab clinic to finish her recovery and get physical therapy. While there, on the 1st of October she fell and was bruised badly on her left side, she complained of severe pain and was x-rayed the following day. They found no breaks and wanted to continue her physical therapy, however, she could not get out of bed from the pain, her BP was low again so she was sent back to the hospital. Upon arriving at the hospital they did a second x-ray where they found a clear break in her hip and bleeding around it. However, this was the least of her problems. On the following Friday, the 3rd, they found another infection, this time in her colon, called C. Diff (Clostridium difficile). C. Diff is a naturally occurring bacteria in our colon which helps digestion. Another type of bacteria, of which I dont know the name, helps control C. Diff and is also present in the colon to help prevent intense diarrhea. However, when antibiotics are taken, the bacteria that controls C. Diff is killed by the antibiotics. This can cause the C. Diff to become overgrown and is very dangerous to the elderly. Because my Nama had taken anitbiotics not only for the urinary tract infection but the MRSA, her C. Diff controlling bacteria was low in her colon and the C. Diff became overgrown. Friday afternoon, my Aunt Kelly notified my mom and I that her condition was serious and to come immediatly. We left that afternoon. Upon arriving at the hospital, she was heavily sedated and could barely communicate. In the ICU we were required to dress in a gown and gloves. We were not allowed to touch her, at least not on the skin, and we weren't allowed to kiss her. Which I didn't know until after I'd done so. By the time we'd arrived her body was highly toxic from the C. Diff. and although less harmful to younger people is still highly contagious and dangerous. (Dont worry, I didn't get it from kissing her, I'm sure my immune system fought it off, the first symptoms are diarrhea and abdomin pain, neither of which I've experienced) Because of the level of the infection in her colon the doctor advised us that the next option was surgery, to remove all of her colon. She would be put on a colostomy bag, she would be in and out of the hospital from malnutrition and dehydration, she would have to be fed through a feeding tube and her already chronic diarrhea would be a lot worse. A situation we all knew she would not want to be put in. Not a way for someone to live. The other option was to continue the medication she was on to see if the C. Diff could be reduced and put under control. The kids (her kids) decided to give the medication a chance and see if things changed overnight. Saturday, before we arrived at the hospital we were notified that not only had things not improved but they were getting worse. We needed to make a decision, and quick. To do the surgery, of which there was not guarantee that she would make it off the operating table or to just make her as comfortable as possible. The kids decided not to put her body through the pain of an operation. They kept her on the medication until almost all her kids arrived at the hospital (save Uncle Bill, who was in San Fran at his new job). Once everyone was there, they gave her morphine and took her off the medication. We all said our goodbyes and told her how much we love her and will miss her. That afternoon she passed away. My mom and I came home late Sunday night. The following morning we repacked and spent the week with Aunt Kelly. Helping her with the funeral arrangements and necessary phone calls. It has felt like the weekend that wouldn't end. Thursday was the funeral, followed by a wake. The funeral was beautiful. My Aunt Kelly did a beautiful eulogy, I know Nama would have loved it, she had military honors, each of her kids were presented with a flag, and she even got a fly by (not planned). She is now buried at Oak Hills Cemetery under a grand oak tree. The perfect place for her to rest.

I just wanted to say that I hope you are all well and that you dont hold off on telling those you love that you love them. Everyday isn't too much. Dont take it for granted because one day they wont be there and you wont be able to hold their hand or kiss their cheek.

So with that said, I love you.

I consider myself an outgoing friendly person.

I'm notorious for my "happy go lucky" personality.

A kid in my high school drama class, for his final, created a song about the class. He included a comment about everyone. And what did he say about me???

Christina smiles... a lot.

=]

A friend of mine commented one time, that if I were to get cut, I'd bleed sunshine.

So you get my drift?

And really, it's not like I'm HAPPY all the time. Or drugged. Or fake. I have my days, my lapse in personality where it's just NOT my day. I do.

Its those times, when I'm low, where I'm truly grateful for my "me time". Of course I have to schedule my "me time", like a prescription, to make sure I get the required fix or things go downhill. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 6AM to 7.30, whether it's needed or not. Saturday when I wake and Sunday before dinner.

My "me time" is the gym.. or the running track... Depending on the day.

I love it. I look forward to it. It's the perfect boyfriend.

I don't have to get dressed up. I don't have to match or wear make-up. Heck, I don't even have to make sure my teeth are brushed... (Ahem, for the early morning "me times", other than that I'm hygiene conscious) I don't have to worry if I'm interesting, witty, know the latest current events or if the other person is having a good time.

I just roll out of bed, throw a random arrangement of clothes on, plug myself into the iPod, leash the dogs and go.

I love my boyfriend.

Seriously?

I think there's been leaking gas from my stove or my mom hid open paint remover cans underneath my bed.

Last weekend I went to Target to buy the normal toiletries.. face wash, acne cream, toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo & conditioner...

or what i THOUGHT was shampoo and conditioner... until this morning when i realized for the first time that i'd been washing my hair with TWO bottles of conditioner for the past week...

it's not even like they're the same consistency! one lathers up and the other stays more creamy!

fortunately i can argue that they both look identical to eachother save two small minor details... one says shampoo, the other conditioner, and the shampoo has a number 1 on it and the conditioner, respectively, a number 2. BUT both of these minute details! i swear.

i'm so smart. =]

That's right.

I'm moving on. And I think it's about time I did.

Not to sound melodramatic or even cavalier in manner... But actually, let me update you so you know what I'm talking about... So we'll go back in time about four years.

To when I first met my best friend, and when I mean best friend I mean the mother of best friends, two peas in a pod, the Thelma to my Lucy, if she was a MAN I would've married her.

Not to say our relationship was perfect.

In the beginning she was a little apprehensive to be my friend, or anyone's for that matter. She was always stand-offish, a little cold, and introverted. Eventually, she became less so, after hanging out with me. I, quite frankly, wear my freakin' heart on my shoulder. Gets me in more trouble than it's worth. But that's where it'll stay. I am who I am. And now I know, she is who she is.

I always felt like I had to do more of the work than normal. I was the one who called her, who made plans, who initiated things. Before now, I didn't realize that I was doing it. In my group of friends I normally am the one who does the planning, who gets everyone together, who's the hostess. So this position came/s naturally to me. But about four months ago she got a boyfriend, her first.

In the beginning we disagreed on her relationship with him. We're both religious (in the beginning of our friendship, her more so than I). We believe in God, that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and that He is our Savior. We each have our own relationship with Him and our ways of celebrating that have always been slightly different. (I'm Catholic and she's Christian.) I've never gripped about the differences and she's never reluctant to point them out.

Our disagreements over her relationship put a wedge in ours. A wedge that's slowly grown, until we were so far apart I don't think we could hear what the other was saying. Lately, we haven't had a relationship at all. We used to speak every other day, hang out multiple times a week, work out together, take trips to the beach together, pig out on junk food together. It quickly flipped to once every other week, all the while she would talk to me about all the things she was doing with him. I knew there was going to be SOME adjustment, but to loose my BEST friend completely??? It was HARD. I had to adjust to having someone there to talk to, to confide in, to bounce my ideas off of, to vent at, to no one.

And now, I haven't heard from her in weeks. The last time I heard from her was two days before she was supposed to go to see Wicked with me and our other friends. She text me that Thursday morning saying, "Hey- decided not to go to wicked. Not really felling it. Sorry. Can the ticket be refunded?"

What kind of friend does that??? Two days before we're supposed to go? And after how she'd just disappeared. The week before we were supposed to hang out, she forgot, twice, in one day. That should've been a red flag.

Anyway, I'm done. I'm moving on.

My dogs... I love them like kids. Chestnut, the fat black one, is super so sensitive. He has so much expression displayed in his eyes and his eyebrows... It amazes me. He's a chihuahua dachshund mix, overweight, missing teeth and compact like a sausage. Buster Brown on the other hand, looks a little vacant upstairs, has bad breath and does the wrong trick with the wrong command. He's a pure breed mini dachshund and he can do this amazing little trick... Well, it's more like "hey, pay attention to me" move... He can sit up on his hind legs and stare at you for the longest time... It's the greatest thing. Anyway... I wanted them to make a little cameo on my page. So now you're introduced.

This morning I went for a run... I've started the whole training schedule I talked about last blog. Anyway, I'm not really a morning person, so for me to get up and out of the house at six in the morning is a feat all of its own. Especially this morning... This was the third morning a a row that I've woken up extra early to get my workout in. I didn't actually get out of bed until six... Whoops. Anyway, I get down to the track and I as I'm running around in circles, I watch the sun rise. It was so beautiful. My picture doesn't do it justice. (I took the pic with my camera phone.) But it totally made my run worth it.

So, I've decided to run a 5k marathon... I hate running and it was a widely accepted belief that the only way someone could get me to run is if I was being chased by a murderer, rapist, psycho, etc.

Anyway, I've decided that just for the sake of seeing how far I can push myself and how much sheer determination I have that I'm going to start training. My new workout regime goes as follows... Mondays and Fridays I have off, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I run, first few weeks I'll be running for three to four minutes and walking one and repeating this for a mile and a half. Wednesdays and Sundays cardio in the gym...

My marathon is in February so I have plenty of time to get into shape right? Haha... I guess we'll see!