La Jeune Fille

She speaks!!!

2009-08-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

... Obama's Socialized Medicine... aka America's Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009

Although I'm not quite sure where I stand on this Act, I don't believe that universal health care for all is the way to go.

BUT before I carve out my beliefs in stone, I like to do my research which includes reading what BOTH sides have to say on the topic of discussion!

Because really, how are we supposed to not get an objective picture of the situation??? We can't really, everyone has an agenda and even though the media tries to be fair and factual and all that good stuff, even the good writers sometimes push their own/or their companies own agenda out through their writing.

I read an article on socialized medicine this morning that I really liked because the writer states his own view point but challenges others who don't agree with it to do their research and argue it intelligently. Below is the article. I hope you enjoy.

Socialized medicine, evil, and death to old people by Yobie Benjamin of the San Francisco Chronicle

I got a thoughtful and important question on my quip that health care should be provided as a service provided by government like education, roads and a robust military.

I really did not want to get into this health care debate but the emailed question was provocative so I feel it deserved a a thoughtful answer albeit many would disagree with me.

Also Gov. Sarah Palin just issued a statement last Friday calling Obama's health plan "downright evil" saying in a Facebook posting that he would create a "death panel" that would deny care to the neediest Americans. Holy guacamole!!! - get ready for the battle with Mephistopheles! Such hyperbolic and vile language deserves a thoughtful comeback.

Personally I believe that we should have a single-payer system but am also realistic enough to know that such change is impossible under the prevailing political atmosphere.

Well, socialized health care is already provided by government:
Public option supporters

Public option supporters

1) Medicare is comprehensive health care for all people over 65. Young people meaning all people who work and are under 65 pay for this socialized medicine.

If you happen to be old and are against socialized medicine, you should send a letter to Medicare and state specifically that you want to be dropped from the rolls though an easy way would just be to pay everything yourself. If you're old and not on Medicare, you're not insurable anyway as you're too risky so just pay in cash or credit.

2) Veterans' Administration health care system is 100% socialized medicine. We all pay for the health care of ALL eligible veterans and their immediate families.

Same thing if you're a vet and don't like socialized medicine. Don't go to the VA, simple end of story. Get private insurance or pay cash or credit.

3) Medicaid is 100% socialized medicine for the very poor.

Who cares about the poor? Right? Let's take a Queen Marie Antoinette attitude.

4) SCHIP is deeply subsidized insurance for children ages up to 18. This covers children whose families are not impoverished (otherwise they go on Medicaid) but don't make enough to be able to afford health insurance.

5) The Federal health care program that covers all senators, congresspersons and all their respective staff IS socialized medicine taxpayers pay for and is currently part of a health insurance exchange - in fact a federal employee gets to pick from 14 insurance options.

So if you truly do not support the notion of socialized medicine, please call call your senator and congressperson and ask them to rescind and take away all Medicare, VA Hospital System, SCHIP and Medicaid. If you've ever benefited from these programs, return the money. We do have a big deficit. It would be the fair thing to do, right?

If not, shouldn't government provide for the the health of the commons fairly - not just the old, children who are not poor nor rich, the very poor and veterans?

Under HR 3200 America's Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009 (which I DID READ and then some more!) from Congress, Americans who are not old, veterans, not rich/not dirt poor kids, or the really poor will continue to buy health insurance from private companies, continue to get their health care from doctors in private practice and continue to be treated at privately owned hospitals. PERIOD END-OF-STORY

There will be a health insurance exchange set up by the government where individual and businesses will be able to purchase insurance from private insurers at lower rates than are now generally available under rules that require insurers to offer coverage to anyone regardless of health condition. Low-income workers buying insurance through the exchange along with their employers - would be eligible for government subsidies.

Realistically, a public insurance option will not survive in the Senate. Again if you read the bill there is NO extending Medicare beyond old people though there is a Republican proposal to open Medicare to people aged 55 and above and the provision might get in the bill markup process. So if the Republicans succeed in getting their proposal in, we will have a new "donut hole" - if you're between 19 - 55 years old, you're out of luck in getting socialized medicine.

The public-run insurance plan will not drive every private insurer out of business because there will be NO public option (Thanks to "bipartisanship". For the record, I firmly support a public option but I am not in congress so all I can do is blog) so insurance companies will not go bust.

There is no provision for the Department of Motor Vehicles to be in charge of your stent replacement, knee surgery or cancer treatment. There is also no provision to euthanize old people. There is a proposal that Medicare pay for counseling on end-of-life care but it is hardly an old person mass murder plot.

There is also no provision to allow government to negotiate drug prices nor to allow medicines from Canada (hardly a third world country flooded with counterfeit drugs) so your 30-day supply of Lipitor is guaranteed to be still over $100 if you have no insurance or are caught in the Medicare donut hole.

And how do we pay for it? Stop the Bush tax cuts in 2010 instead of expiring in 2011 and do not extend them. That saves $1.5 trillion (for 10 years) and we'll have $1/2 trillion left. Health care reform is projected at $1 trillion for 10 years so there - it's paid with no tax increases for the middle class. Also the federal government MUST STOP taking money from the Medicare and Social Security Trust Fund (which is the reason why the funds are headed to insolvency in the first place) to use for general fund expenses. If we just left Social Security and Medicare funds alone, there would be NO Medicare crisis. I will happily pay my share knowing that everyone will have their health taken care of. Is that socialist? So be it. I'll start another company to make up for the additional taxes I have to pay.

If you do not agree with any of the points above, argue your position, thoughtfully, factually and with conviction. Quit shouting, whining, screaming or intimidating others you do not agree with. Mob action makes you no different from crazy zealots in Iran. Read the bill and argue your points. You can't just say "X" is evil with no logical reasoning and hope to win your argument - Nice try though!

You'll have a chance in 2010 to vote the people you do not like out of office.

As for me... socialized medicine for all? Cool!

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/ybenjamin/detail?entry_id=45149#ixzz0NhXIIlPn

Forward Thinking Again

2009-06-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

In reference to my old blog... Where I started my PREBucket List... I wanted to add to it...

26. Seduce my husband... when I get one.

27. Have a God-based marriage

28. Build a darkroom

29. Have children

30. Always put God first

31. See Incubus in concert

32. Eat sushi in Japan

33. Laugh until I cry

34. Spend the whole night at the beach

35. Live in France (again)

36. Go on a Missions trip (where ever Gods leads me)

37. Get a tat, big or small

38. Have five dogs... at once.

39. Kiss in the rain

40. Spend an obscene amount of money on ONE thing that I really want and not feel guilty about it.

Back in the saddle.

2009-06-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

...Or backing in my running shoes.

I just signed up for the Disneyland 5k Run!!! I'm so excited!

Even when I dont understand His plan.

2009-06-10T20:03:00.001-07:00

I got into a car accident last week on Monday... June 1st. Great way to start of the month, right?

My car's totaled and now I have to buy a new one. Which is actually good in a way because I wanted to a new one to begin with.

Anyway, everyone involved in the accident is okay. Nothing more than cuts and bruises and of course the soreness that comes with a collision.

Unfortunately, I can't get the image of my car hitting the other car and the sound it made out of my mind. Have you ever experienced that? You see something so shocking, so upsetting that you just can't get it out of your minds eye?

It plays over and over again like a little movie clip. Thankfully, since a week has passed it's lessened. I just wished it'd go away completely.

RIP 06/01/2009

NEW MOON TRAILER

2009-05-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah buddy!!!

Serious shiz.

2009-05-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

In case you aren't yet aware... The official NEW MOON trailer will be premiering at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards THIS SUNDAY, May 31st, at 9PM!!!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I'm so excited!!!

Have a great weekend!

God is good.

2009-05-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

I don't think I fully grasp just how much God takes care of me...

I go through life and just assume that the good things that come my way are thanks to me!

(HA! How self-centered and egotistical am I?!)

I've been having to put a lot of money in my car lately.

(And by "a lot" I mean I could've paid for a two week vacation to France)

(Aye)

This past weekend felt like the last straw. My camel's back is broke. My car started over-heating and leaking coolant. A potentially easy fix, right?

Well... They replaced the thingamajig and the dew-hickey.

(Technical terms for engine thermometer and radiator cap)

I left the mechanics with a bounce in my step. Believing all would be well with my car. At least for a little while. I mean, it's eight years old, something else is bound to go wrong, right?

And of course, it does... It happens not an hour later, in line at a Costco gas pump. My engine starts to over-heat. Again. Images of lighting her (my car is a she) on fire, pushing her off a cliff or taking a bat to her play over and over in my head.

My reoccurring fantasies since the beginning of this whole debacle.

I went back to the mechanic. He decided that my car should participate in a "slumber party" along with several other cars at his shop. So that's where she is. Not safe in my garage, ready for me to take her out to work in the morning, but in some mechanic's shop.

Here's the twist to this whole story and the reason that I believe more today than yesterday (because apparently I need daily reminders) that GOD HAS MY BACK. Had it not been for the fact that I got extra work this weekend. I would not be able to pay for the work that is happening to my car.

God knew that I'd have an obstacle in my path and provided me with a solution to go around it.

God is good.

committment issues

2009-05-07T15:50:00.000-07:00

yes in deedy. i have some BIG commitment issues!

i was going "strong" there for a bit... writing my little blogs... (and when i say "strong" i mean "when inspiration struck") but now...

Nothing.

I'm a dry well. I hope I fill back up soon.

satisfied.

2009-04-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

nothing beats...

STEAMED VEGGIES.

i. can't. get. enough.

OMG!!!

2009-04-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

My Relient k tickets are IN THE MAIL.

YES!!!!!!!

And to make the month of May an EVEN BETTER MONTH...

I'm going to see Dane Cook!!!

I'm a happy girl.

(Now if only I'd bump into Edward Cullen at one of these events, fall in love and make a billion babies...)

Too much?

Them good ol' days.

2009-03-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Remember those days when we were young and life seemed to pass at a crawl?

I so do. I remember those days fondly, when I'd look forward to summer where all I had to worry about were my chores. I'd run around the streets with a few neighborhood kids, we'd ride bikes in the neighborhood church parking lot, collect golf balls and sell them at the local golf course and eat our weight in Popsicles.

Summer of last year I got a little taste of that when I went on a family trip to Page, AZ. We booked a timeshare for two weeks on a houseboat. It was the best time of my life... My family's a little crazy, but whose isn't?

Man, to be a kid again...

dude, relient k.

2009-03-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

i'm headed to their concert in may and i'm SO EXCITED.

what?! you've never heard of them?!

you need to check out their music video then. right now.

=]

He has my back.

2009-03-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Before I go into my story from last week, let me explain what I do. I am a sub-contractor or a consultant... Which is pretty much a fancy way of saying I'm self-employed.

Anyway, I work with a guy, let's call him "Tim". He works for himself out of his home. He, like me, is a consultant. He has one main client that he works for, this client is BIG in our industry and gets a lot of jobs. Let's call Tim's client "Sandy".

[AND another side note... my friend Ashley and I are looking for a place to live. We want to be roomies. Because of the housing market, she decided to purchase a house rather than us rent, which is awesome and exciting. A little scary too, for her, because this is HUGE.]

So, last Monday... I came into work and Tim called me into his office. He said that Sandy called him earlier that same morning and said that he wanted to "phase me out" which means that he wants to slowly replace me with someone else.

The person he has in mind is a guy he knows through his church. Sandy is a huge promoter of his church. HUGE. And I think that's great, good for him and all. But according to Tim, Sandy has been trying to get more of his church people to work for him so that he can drop Tim (now Tim and me)... Poor Tim. I've seen this first hand, last year we had a guy working with us. He didn't last more than a month. Poor guy.

(Sad thing, Tim is the only one willing to put up with Sandy's crap. Sandy has a temper. A big one. I've also seen this first hand, not directly at me but I've watched him rip Tim's head off and spit down his throat. Not a fun thing to watch.)

(He's also micromanages, which is killer to work for. Trust me. I'm just glad I don't work directly with Sandy. If I did, I wouldn't still be working here.)

Anyway, Tim told me this and then said that he'd fight for me. He'd fight for me as long as he won't lose business. Most of what Tim said after this went in one ear and out the other. My mind was reeling, I didn't know what to think. I was already making plans in my head. I was so scared. I wanted to cry right there but I kept it in.

I hate crying in front of people.

One thing I knew that I had to do right away was call Ashley. She had plans to put in an offer on a house that day. Ugh. I didn't know if my unemployment would have any effect on whether or not she'd bid on a home but I had to let her know before she did it. Come to find out the house wouldn't have worked out for her and we found a better one.

Anyway, I couldn't really concentrate the rest of the day. I was too upset. I sat at my desk and cried a little. I couldn't completely let go, I didn't want Tim to hear. That afternoon, he called Mic (one of Sandy's business partners) and told him about Sandy's plan. Tim said that Mic loves me, he knows I'm a good worker (since he's worked with me) and knows that I'm worth keeping around. Tim said that maybe Mic would call Sandy and talk to him about keeping me on anyway.

Not an hour after I came home and had told my mom the news, Tim called and said that Sandy had called him. Sandy said that I have nothing to worry about, this "phasing out" wont be right away, that it's a long term thing.

Tim says two years.

Which is good. I don't need more than that because I'm planning on going back to school. He said that Sandy's 100% behind us, whatever that means. All I know is, I'm still scared. I don't trust Sandy, not that I did before but now it's worse. Now I'm bracing myself, in case something happens. After the phone call, I bawled. I was so relieved that at least tomorrow I'd have my job.

What I don't understand is why he'd want to replace me just to replace me. His reason wasn't because of my poor quality of work product or that his business is slowing down and he can't afford me. In fact this business is booming right now. He merely wants to replace me with someone because of my religion. Yeesh.

It was funny timing though, the weekend before, I did my taxes and found a bunch of money that I didn't need to pay the government... Like this was all of Gods plan. Most of it's going into savings now in preparation for losing my job, just in case it happens. But had this scare not happened who knows what I would've done with the money, paid off some of my mom's debt, bought us some new clothes or something... Spent part of it, that's for sure... And on something that is not completely necessary.

Thankfully, I had it to pay for Buster Browns dental surgery which was badly needed (my mom doesn't have the money to pay for Busters teeth) and for saving, which is really important. Now more than ever.

I'm almost glad it happened. I'm increasing the amount I save per paycheck and I'm going to open an IRA, which is an investment account for retirement. AND it happens the day that Ashley is planning on making a bid, not the day after! Yikes.

God works in mysterious ways. =] Let's thank Him for that, shall we?

It's not you, it's me.

2009-03-07T22:19:00.000-08:00

Relationships are messy.

That's why for the majority of my 25 years in existence I've avoided them like a hooker avoids a cop.

With fear, distrust, and uncertainty.

(And I'm sure I sound a little jaded but I swear it has all to do with my insecurity, which I'm sure doesn't make me look any more appealing)

I didn't date in high school. Mostly, it's because the other sex didn't find me attractive... but partially it's because I didn't put myself out there. I kept my heart in a little box locked in a bigger box buried in my backyard under my favorite climbing tree.

I was afraid (and still am) of getting hurt. I got to witness it front and center when my mom left my dad and he just couldn't deal. It was hard for him and it took all of my childhood for him to heal.

Throughout college I had plenty of guy friends, buddies, pals, dudes. Nothing that ever became more. Guys who were interested in getting into my pants dating me never lasted. I'd want a relationship, they'd want booty call.

No thanks.

The point is, to this day, I'm still dumb-struck when a guy approaches me or even shows interest in taking me on a date. Me. Gulp.

Pathetic? I know.

Insecure? Yes, you're table is waiting.

So, now. Here I sit, dumb-struck.

A guy approached me today and somehow he got my number. I remember someone handing him my card... I think it was me.

And now. I don't know if I'm more terrified that he'll call or that he won't.

I need to get my head checked.

Honest to God.

2009-03-05T20:44:00.000-08:00

I'm sending in a very humiliating and absolutely TRUE secret about myself to Post Secret...

Wonder if they'll publish it in their next book.

Amused. Shocked. Dismayed.

2009-03-04T12:12:00.000-08:00

I have no words to express what I felt after I reading an article called "Nugget Nightmare: 911 Called on McDonalds" this morning...

Essentially, a woman called 911 after finding out that her McDonalds had run out of McNuggets... And she not only called them once, or twice, but three times.

Seriously?

What is wrong with this lady?

I'm losing my confidence in the competency of the human race... and sadly, it amuses me.

Adventures.

2009-02-25T18:06:00.000-08:00

Three day weekend for me.

Sacramento. Here I come.

Indecision.

2009-02-24T19:11:00.000-08:00

The grass is always greener on the other side of the road... I hate that expression...

Because its SO true.

(Sometimes.)

It's mostly true when I go to a restaurant and can't decide what to eat. Which isn't frequent because I rarely go out to dinner and when I do I want something good. I went to Chipotle the other night with a few friends and such a thing happened to me...

Jen: So what are you going to get? (Standing at the end of what seems like a very long line. It was a busy night.)

Me: Uh. No. What are you getting?

Jenn J.: (Yes there are two Jens) I'm thinking of the three tacos. Is that good?

Me: Very, but I don't think I can eat all three...

Jen: Want to share them? I'm not that hungry either.

Me: Uh. I don't know. I was thinking of the salad... but I'm not sure. Ugh. I hate when I do this.

Jen: Ok. We have time. Let me know.

Me: (watching the line get shorter as we creep to the front, panic starting to set in) Internal monologue: Tacos or salad... Tacos or salad... But the burrito bowl looks good too... Crap. Well. I know I want chicken, I always get chicken... Maybe I should try the veggie... I always try chicken. What is my problem... Why can't I just decide?

Jen: Soooo... Have you decided yet?

Me: Yes. Let's share something. (Next in line) Internal monologue: Ok, well at least I decided on sharing... That should narrow our options down... No to tacos. How are we supposed to split the third taco? I don't know her well enough yet to share saliva... Maybe the salad... No. It's mostly lettuce and salsa... That leaves the burrito bowl or the burrito...

Jen: (laughing because she's watching the conflict of decisions cross my face) Well, what do you want to share?

Me: Internal monologue: Damn... Well... Burrito bowl with chicken?

Jen: Ok.

Me: Internal monologue: Ok! Good... Good. Wait. Is Jenn J. ordering the salad??? Oh. It looks so good. The lettuce. The chicken. The salsa... Drat.

Adore...

2009-02-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Clever Girl Goes Blog... I've been assigned a meme!

What I must do is list ten things I like that start with the letter "A".

So... Here it goes.

1. Ansel Adams. Do I get points for the double "A"? My FAVORITE photographer. I wish I were as talented as he.

2. Avocados. They are so good!

3. Architecture... I love looking at architecture, especially that of really old buildings... One of my favorite places is Falling Water, a home built by Frank Lloyd Wright. I dont usually like modern styled buildings, but this one is so beautiful and it incorporates it's surroundings really well. If you haven't been, you need to go.

4. American Eagle Outfitters. I love this store!!! I love their sweaters and their flip flops the most!

5. America's Next Top Model... I love the photography aspect of it the most. I wish that I could work those photo shoots but from the photographers side of it. I hate that all the girls are so skinny. Ick. We need to change our image of what beauty is!

6. Apple... Not the fruit, although I love those too... I love Apple computers. I love my iPod. I'm not completely sold on the iPhone, I think I'll keep my Blackberry, thank you.

7. Archery. I used to do it as a kid... My step dad was really into it and so we'd go to tournaments... I think I even won a medal.

8. Anemone... That is a sea anemone. They are awesome... They are so beautiful and colorful, I was able to touch some while at the Long Beach Aquarium. They are also the home to clown fish, they're pretty too.

9. A Midsummer Nights Dream, my favorite play written by Shakespeare.

10. AIX-EN-PROVENCE!!!!!!!!!!! It's a town in the south of France and I lived there for a year!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVED it... I would go back in a heart beat... Maybe I'll sell my kidney to buy my plane ticket... Any takers?

I'm gonna cheat...

11. Angelina Jolie... She is one bad ass actress... Did I just say ass? Hunh...

12. Austen... Jane Austen. One of the BEST authors EVER.

13. Art... Especially photography. I love photography... I also love, paintings. Monet is awesome.

Ok, I could go on... But I'm going to bore you... :) If you want to do this meme, comment and I'll assign you a letter!

What to do? What to do!?!

2009-02-04T18:49:00.001-08:00

Sometimes... I feel like I have a multiple personality disorder.

Seriously.

Unlike some people (who've since birth known exactly what they want to do), I have no flippin' idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I'm 25 years old and I. HAVE. NO. IDEA.

OR rather, I have many ideas.

Whoever said more options is better than none is full of it.

When I was little, all I could think about being was a teacher. They were the ones with all the power... besides parents. They say, you obey. Plus, they got to mark up papers with colorful fancy pens. I even played pretend school with some of the kids in my neighborhood.

In high school, I was less sure what I wanted. I just knew, like I've always known, that the one thing I want most is to be happy. Plain and simple.

In college my major started out as Liberal Studies, logically, because that's what I always thought I wanted to be. Then I started doubting myself. I hate that word. Doubt. Ugh. Anyway, I ended up changing my major to business. I loved my classes, got great grades, blah, blah, blah. One problem. I didn't have any clue as to what I'd do with my degree once I was done. I just knew I didn't want to be stuck managing some retail store. Not me. I can't handle people when they're yelling in my face complaining about something so minuscule and unimportant. I'd slap them in the face and then quit.

Then, as graduation became more visible on the horizon I knew I needed to get my butt in gear. That's when my current job "fell" into my lap. I took it and have been there ever since. In the beginning I thought it could potentially be a job that I'd do for the rest of my life. To be an appraiser in this specialized field.

But I was wrong.

The actual job I do now, I like it, and on some days I'd say I even love it. But the income potential is null unless I take more classes and become certified. Which is not what I want to do.

I feel like I've hit the glass ceiling and I'm going no where and my life is slowly pressing me harder and harder into that ceiling until either I or the ceiling breaks.

When it comes to this, to my future, I've never been one to settle. Now wont be any different.

Now I just need to figure out what my next step will be. Currently, I've taken an interest in Urban and Regional Planning... I took a class in it through an extension program at a college near me. I enjoyed it and am now volunteering twice a month in the planning department for the city... Well, I've only gone once so far. But I know that doing this (even though I'm not getting paid) will help me answer my next question: Is this what I want to do?

But while I'm waiting to answer my own question I can't help but think of other options...

Go to a culinary arts school ? Do photography? Work on a cruise ship and travel? Teach English in a foreign country? Manage of some retail store and make more money but be miserable? Become a sub-teacher while I wait out our crummy economy? Stay where I'm at and continue to be dirt poor? Go back to school? And for what? Become a teacher, urban planner, or for my MBA? Can I even afford to go back to school?

The problem is in deciding, not in doing. I've proven it to myself that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. (see:5k marathon blogs)

Now all I have to do is decide. Sounds so simple.

On time and late.

2009-02-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

How is it possible to be on time and late?

I don't have the exact answer, but I'm sure I did just that yesterday at my 5k marathon.

The plan was to wake up at 4.30 in the morning and leave my house at 5.15 to be in Huntington by 6.45. That all worked out according to plan... Sort of.

Let me set the scene.

6.25 am: Starbucks, Newport Beach Blvd, Newport. We decided to stop there for water and a bathroom break. About 20 minutes away from destination.

6.43 am: Coasting down PCH towards destination (Huntington St & PCH, Huntington, CA).

6.45 am: Thanks to my anxiousness, we pulled into the first parking lot for the event (Brookhurst & PCH, Huntington Beach, CA). What we didn't realize at the time was this parking lot was a little over TWO MILES away from the start line... And we walked it.

7.05 am: My anxiety increases as I realize that not only the start line but the event center tent is no where in site and my run starts in 10 minutes. I speed up as I realize the other runners around me are here for the half marathon which starts at 7.45 am.

7.15 am: Still haven't arrived at event center, realizing I need to go to the bathroom and wont be able to run 3 miles until I do so... I took off at a faster pace, leaving my mom with plans to meet her at the finish line.

7.28 am: Finally, I arrived at the event center and to my dismay the line for the restrooms is a million miles long (ok, maybe that's an exaggeration but it felt that long)

7.47 am: After waiting in line for what felt like forever, I headed out to find the start line for the 5k race. Because it was so late, I started to feel discouraged. Would they even let me start so late? How am I going to get across the street with hundreds of runners running?

7.51 am: I decided to cross the street and start somewhere in between the start line for the half marathoners and the 5k start line...

37 minutes later...

I FINISHED!!!

I can't believe it. Thinking back on it. I dont know how I did it. It felt so much shorter than what I expected. It was great.

I'm totally doing it again next year.

It's who I am.

2009-02-02T20:00:00.000-08:00

I did it. I made it to the finish line.

And it feels good.

So in honor of crossing that finish line I'm going to give you a little insight. Into me.

Over the past few months I've really learned a lot about me and what I'm capable of. I am determined, self-motivated (for the most part), a dreamer, a romantic.

I love with my whole heart which is, at some moments in my life regrettably, worn on my sleeve. I'm open, and most hours in my life outrageously happy. I prefer to see the good in people instead of picking out the bad.

I'm impatient. Yes. I said it. I am, I know it, now you do.

I'm anxious, sentimental and easily distracted...

I have been and will always be slightly over weight, and I'm okay with that. For a long long time I wasn't. I wanted to be like the girls you see in magazines. Obviously. I mean, with the social expectations we Americans place on ourselves, what girl doesn't? And if they say they don't they're (a) lying, and secretly do or (b) have come to the realization, as I just have, that you are who you are and what you are is beautiful.

Cheesy?

Yes. I know. I'm that too.

I try to compartmentalize my feelings. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, you can read my face like a book and I hate it.

I hate showing my vulnerable side, I hate being weak.

I'm a nurturer. I love taking care of other people.

... I'm more than this, but it's a start into getting to know who I am.

So. Hello. :)

25 things...

2009-01-30T23:06:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd carry this over from facebook...

25 random facts about me

1. I LOVE fish tacos
2. I can bend my tongue in half...
3. I want to move to France
4. I sometimes dream in French
5. I prefer homemade to store bought food
6. I would rather be at Disneyland than watching the Super Bowl
7. I love the smell of books, rain, puppy breath, babies, sun block, and jasmine
8. God has blessed my life beyond measure. I am forever indebted to Him and grateful that I know Him
9. I wish I had a green thumb
10. I hate walking around in wet shoes. It makes me cranky.
11. I smile... a lot.
12. I miss my Nama, every day.
13. I am not quite sure where my place is in this world
14. I love looking at model homes
15. I am a control freak
16. I eventually want to build my own house... and fill it with family
17. I hate all things dealing with roast, pork chops, stew, cassarole... SICK.
18. I am an Angels fan... Except for when I'm around the Talleys... then I'm a Dodgers fan.
19. I want a tattoo but will never get one.
20. I like to challenge myself
21. I usually sleep without a top sheet
22. I love documenting my life through photos
23. I really really love tea parties, I'm hooked
24. I'm a dreamer, and when I dream... I dream BIG
25. I have a freckle on the bottom of my left foot, the palm of my right hand and near the corner of my right eye

The Runner's Playlist

2009-01-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

I have FINALLY concocted the perfect playlist for my run this Sunday! Yay! It took me about two and a half weeks to tweak and change around the songs until I had them all in synchronized into a harmoniously motivating album... It's what will keep me going when my legs will want to fail me...

Well, the songs, and the crowd of joggers behind me. I really dont want to be trampled to death. I have plans to go to Disneyland later in the day.

What exactly do I have in my playlist you ask?

Well I made an iMix for your listening pleasure!

Let me know what you think! Think of me if you're conscious at 7.15am Sunday morning!

The morning after...

2009-01-25T18:54:00.000-08:00

Why is it that on my lazy day, I can't think of anything fun to do?

Yet, the morning after, I thought of TONS of things I could've done. Scrapbooking (I'm still not finished with my scrapbook from my year in France... and that was 2005/2006), finish crocheting my scarf (started in the beginning of December), read (I have a bazillion books I want to read! And did I read yesterday? Nope), play Guitar Hero (My plan is to be the best... in the world.), or take a nap (I never take naps...).

Ugh.

I need to make a list for the next time I have a lazy day.

A Lazy Day

2009-01-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

In theory, they're great. Everyone wants one, everyone is usually too busy to get one.

The days we're not working are filled with chores and errands. Clean the bathroom, do the laundry, go to the grocery store, clean the kitchen. All important things. Things that, if neglected, would cause chaos. When errands are done, things are clean and all is chaos free, we make plans with friends perpetuating our busy days and pushing our lazy days further off.

Until, finally, the day comes. All the planets are in line, you've seen it coming, the eye of the storm. The moment where you can take a breather from your hectic schedule to just relax and do nothing.

Today is that day for me.

My lazy day.

And it's now, oh, 11.30ish and I'm bored. I have no idea what to do with myself on a lazy day.

I've been looking forward to this day for the whole week! Knowing that if I was lucky, if I planned it right, I'd have to not have to do ANYTHING today... Now I'm bored. What do I do?

Maybe I'll go sweep the kitchen.

Meme theif...

2009-01-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is a "Four" Meme.

Here goes:

4 Dishes I Like to cook...

Italian. There's this pasta dish by Giada de Laurentiis that I'm in love with... Well, I'm in love with everything she cooks and her... Anyway, it has sausage, artichokes, sun-dried tomatoes, parmesean, and fresh mozerella mixed with penne pasta. It's wonderful.
Technically, it's not cooking... but I love salad... I can't get enough of it. And one of my favorite dressings is a homemade dressing with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and honey. Can't get much better than that.
Steamed veggies. I eat them practically every night, and they never get old.
Salmon. There's this pecan crusted salmon we get from Trader Joe's... It's so good. I'd eat it everyday if I didn't fear mercury poisoning.

4 Qualities I Love in People:

Perserverance. I'm in awe of people who when kicked while they're down, get up and dust themselves off and continue. Wow.
Honesty. Does this really need to be said? I mean, just flippin be honest folks, really. What's the dang point in lying?
Faith. If you don't have faith, you have nothing.
Loyalty. I really really really hate fake people. If you don't like me, stop being friendly in front of me and talking crap behind my back. If you've got beef with me, confront me.

4 Places I Have Been:

France. I'd go back in a heart beat... Oh, what? You bought me a ticket? =]
Solvang. Amazing little Danish touristy town near Santa Barbara. If you haven't been there, go.
Texas. Uh, I was born there.
Germany! Ja!

4 Things in My Bedroom

Books. A load of them.
iHome. If it weren't for this fine piece of technology, I wouldn't get up on time.
Earrings. More earrings than any one person should really have. I love me some earrings.
Two really old cameras. Circa 1950. Bought them at some open air markets while in France. Merci France!

4 Dirty Words I Like

Merde/Scheiße. It doesn't really count if it's in another language... Right?
Hunh... I really don't have any other dirty words that I like...
Damn.
Ok... So sue me. I don't curse like a sailor.

And with that, I am tagging:

1. Kym

2. Aurora

3. Katie

4. Astrid

Two weeks, one day.

2009-01-17T10:49:00.001-08:00

Crap.

I'm scared and nervous and worried. What the H did I get myself into???

What made me decide that I should try to run a 5k marathon???

Ugh, I'd give anything to go back in time to my September (?) 2008 self and kick me in the butt.

I now have 2 weeks and ONE day until my run. Eeek. But really, with all my training and my stubbornness... I can do it... Right?

Right???

Hmm. Well in two weeks and one day. I guess we'll see what I'm really made of...

You can stop now.

2009-01-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Death,

Although your job requires you to fulfill certain obligations, I don't appreciate you using my family for a game of dodge ball, where you're the ball.

So, to give me (and my family) some reprieve I've made a list of demands... I mean, requests if you will, for you in lieu of knocking off all my family members until we don't exist.

1. Limit your family death toll to 2... per decade. This includes distant cousins, great aunts, adopted family members, and anyone twice removed, not just the immediate family.

2. Go on a vacation.

One that's very far away, where perhaps no other people live...

Maybe Pluto.

3. Retire. You've been doing this job for so long, I think it's time you gave it up.

4. If retiring is not an option, go on strike. I hear it's... "pleasant". You can demand better benefits, more pay, less hours... Less people to kill/take...

5. Kill only bad people... i.e. murders, drug dealers, rapists, child molesters, etc. Rid the world of the THOSE people, thus making this world a better place. It's a win, win situation. You get to do your job, we get to keep our families AND we live in a safer world. What could be so bad about that?

I know that your doing God's will and all, but can you talk to Him about perhaps, I don't know, increasing my families average life expectancy by, maybe 10... 50 years?

Please take my demands... er, requests into consideration and let me know... Before you kill off anymore people in my family.

Thanks.

And all the kings horses, and all the kings men...

2009-01-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

Couldn't put Humpty back together again...

What a strange riddle to think of after experience an earthquake! Weird!

This evening I was playing Guitar Hero, workin' on my skills. You know, rockin' out. And I heard this rumble, before I could do anything the living room was shaking.

The walls of my house were shaking.

Take a moment...

Things like this, make you think about the fact that we're lucky it wasn't the big one...

You know what I'm talking about right? I mean, the news talks about it every single time we have an earthquake that's news worthy.

If not, lemme catch you up with the very much abridged version.

The San Andreas Fault line which runs the length (about 800 miles) of the state of California, runs very, very close to my backyard. In fact, it runs in the backyard of my university, California-State University, San Bernardino. Which is within walking distance of my house.

Yay me.

It's been said that, any day now, part or ALL of California is going to break off from the United States and float out into the open sea causing a new government to spawn. A "utopia", if you will, will be conceived and who will be named leader???

Me. Obviously. :)

Ok, not really.

Geez.

But seriously? A study, done by Yuri Fialko (don't ask me how to say his name...) of Scripps Institution of Oceanography at the University of California, San Diego, shows that stress along the southern part of the fault line has slowly been accumulating over approximately 300 years. Historical records show that the San Andreas Fault experienced massive earthquakes in 1857 at its central section and in 1906 at its northern segment (the San Francisco earthquake). No one will forget the S.F. earthquake, nor the Northridge earthquake for that matter...

So, 300 years of pent up energy...

Two tectonic plates, pushing so hard against each other for thirty decades without going anywhere... That's pretty scary.

The unfortunate thing is we haven't figured out how to tell when an earthquake will occur. No shaman with his ear to the ground, no crystal ball, no overweight balding middle aged science prof can accurately forecast an earthquake. (Drat!)

So the moral of the story kiddies? Be prepared! Like the good ole boy scouts.

Want to watch a video of what it might look like??? Click here.

5k Marathon

2009-01-05T11:02:00.000-08:00

Remember that 5k marathon I've been training so hard for?? Well, it's coming!!! It's in February and this marathon is for a cause. The cause is called the Free Wheelchair Mission which you can read about on this website.

I love helping out with charities whenever possible and I'd really appreciate it if you could show your support for me through a monetary donation to this charity. Any small amount helps!!! Thanks!!!

To make donations, please use the secure website below.

http://r4m2009.kintera.org/phil413

Closure

2008-12-30T18:32:00.000-08:00

Everyone's entitled to closure... Am I right?

Shouldn't we, when a relationship ends (whether it be romance or friendship), have closure to the relationship? A way to understand WHY it's ending? Instead of being left out of the decision making process?

It only seems fair.

Same goes for many other decisions in life.

You don't go around in life allowing others to make decisions for you, while leaving you completely out of the process do you? You're entitled to have your own opinion. Make up your own mind about it, and even if it's out of your control, at least you were there while the decision was made, rationalized, and concluded. There to be a witness, thus giving you closure.

Oh how I wish for some sort of closure.

Take Your Pants Off

2008-12-23T15:01:00.000-08:00

So I'm watching TV on mute, (sometimes I like it quiet) and a Dolce Gabbana commercial came on... And in an attempt to promote their product and how desirable it is, they show a couple racing through an airport heading towards security with a bag full of D & G product (watches, necklaces, etc), before they get to the x-ray area they put all the product on their bodies. They try to walk through the x-ray machine but because they're wearing so much jewelry they are forced to walk through again but before they do they take off their pants... I dont get it... Why would you take off your pants???

Like that makes you look like any less of a loser because you have great legs?

Dude, you're busted... Don't get caught with your pants down. Especially when the cops throw on the handcuffs.

Stupid commercial.

If you haven't seen it, click here.

All I want for Christmas...

2008-12-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

is snow.

Hmm... And maybe a pair of Uggs to keep my toes warm when I'm out playing in the snow.

I want them so badly... but definitely not as much as world peace.

And maybe for my Twilight Series box set to come soon... I ordered it on Amazon the day after I read the first book... And it wont come until after Christmas... I know, I know... It's taboo to buy yourself stuff right before Christmas but really... No one knew I'd want it, and it was on sale... A really good sale. The kind of sale that is really a sign from God telling you to get it.

Ok, maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself but it was half off. What more could I expect?

So now I'm waiting (not so) patiently for it to come... I know it wont be here til after the 25th but I keep looking on my front porch just in case... Maybe the delivery fairy felt pitty for me and decided to bring it early. Or the Amazon people wanted to trick me into thinking it wont come until way later (when I'd ordered it on TWO DAY shipping) just to have it come early as a little thank you to me for my business...

It happens...

Anywho, a girl can dream, right?

But seriously, all this crap is temporary. In a few years the books will have been given away for someone else to enjoy and the Uggs will have a hole in them or otherwise become so obsolete that I throw them away... So I guess what I'm saying is that what I really want for Christmas are good memories.

The Christmas Story

2008-12-18T22:54:00.000-08:00

I feel guilty about my last blog... It made me sound like a Negative Nancy, and I'm not. At all.

So to rectify the situation I'm going to tell you something happy.

For the past month and a half I've been working every Sunday after church with about 30 kids in preparation for a Christmas play. Which happened tonight. I didn't think it was going to go as smoothly as it did. I was pleasantly surprised.

I think the parents were too. We had so much to do and in such a little time that we were doing it by the skin of our teeth. I think what helped really was the practice play we did the night before for a bunch of CCD kids. It was... entertaining. We didn't have Mike, our music guy there... So the kids had to sing a Capella. And well, sing we'd only practiced the songs 3 times, an hour each, it was a little difficult. But we laughed through it and made it to the end without complete fools of ourselves.

Tonight, however, we had all the bells and whistles we didn't have last night. We had the music, a spot light, and a crowd of adults.

It was big.

And we pulled it off so well. Everyone clapped after each song was sung, they laughed when one of the little kids didn't know what they were doing on stage, and there was a standing ovation after wards...

All in all, the hard work and stress was worth giving these parents this gift.

In The Dark

2008-12-18T00:18:00.000-08:00

... In more ways than one... I'm in the dark.

Ugh. I can't sleep. When I want it most, my thoughts are keeping me awake.

I want to shut them out. To just close my eyes and not think... Thinking hurts too much.

It's causing this empty hallow feeling in my chest and it's making me sick to sound so melodramatic, but it's true.

How ironic that I feel so low now even though my day wasn't bad. In fact, God blessed me in more ways than one. One being, it snowed. In Yucaipa. My whole life (well, the part I've spent living in Yucaipa which is the majority) it's never snowed in Yucaipa. And on the eve of the Christmas performancing I've been directing, it snows. It was like a little gift waiting for me when I left church tonight. My car was covered in it, covered isn't the right word... My car was enclosed in perfect, white snow.

I had to scrape it off all my windows.

Now that I think about it, that was the moment that sent me down the path that I'm now on. It made me think of her.

My best friend. Or should I say ex? Hmm... She was more like a sister, a kindred spirit. Or at least to me, our relationship was like that.

I know in an earlier blog I said I was moving on... But apparently it's harder to do than say. Most days I can deal with it. But it's days like today where I want to pick up the phone and tell her "Oh my God!!! It's SNOWING! It's so awesome!" and get the same enthusiasm back, that makes not having her around so painful.

What makes it worse is I don't know what I did to make her stop talking to me. Unlike me, she holds things in, when she's mad at someone she wont go to them and say so. She'll avoid them.

I'm a talker, I don't yell... because seriously, where does that get you?

I want to tell you why you hurt me so that you know.

I don't get how holding it all in works either.

I keep replaying the last few conversations I had with her before it all stopped. There was no warning. It just stopped. I stopped trying, to put it more accurately. Maybe that was the problem. I was working to hard at the relationship in the end and she wasn't. Maybe she saw the end before I did. Expected it and so it didn't hurt her when it came. I must've been so distracted looking up into the sky to see the wall before I slammed into it...

Almost there...

2008-12-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

I ran TWO miles Thursday!!! I'm so excited!!! I can't believe I did it!!! I've NEVER run two miles before! It's exciting... Reaching this small goal has made me realize I can achieve my main goal... THREE miles!!! I can do it!!!

Okay... I gotta get to bed so I can get up early and run!

Twilight

2008-12-08T19:56:00.001-08:00

Ok... I have a confession to make... I read the first book in a day...

Saturday night I got home late and despite my exhaustion forced myself to read the first chapter... I wanted to read more but my eyes kept closing on me.

(You know when you're hooked when you continue to read with only one eye open)

The following morning in the wee hours my sweet little dog woke me up to be taken outside to use the bathroom... At 3.40 in the morning...

Thanks Chestnut...

Again, despite the fact that I could easily fall back asleep I picked up the book and started reading... Bad idea...

I didn't go back to sleep. Instead I stayed awake and read until I had to get up and get ready for church. I read almost 300 pages before church. Surprisingly I got ready pretty quickly and left.

I didn't get back home until the evening, but the moment I got there I immediately picked the book back up and continued to read... I read on the couch, at the gym, and in the kitchen while I was making dinner... I would have read while showering but my friend would've killed me for getting her book wet.

Suffice it to say, I finished the book at 11pm.

After having less than 5 hours of sleep the night before, I had no trouble drifting off to sleep...

Now if only had Edward been there to HUM me to sleep...

To Ruin A Good Thing

2008-12-08T19:06:00.001-08:00

I can't understand why people like to ruin things for others... It baffles me...

For example. Those people who (when at a fast food place) ask for a cup for water and then fill it with soda... Pretty soon all the fast food places will be charging for a cup for water to counter balance the cost of the people who cheat and take soda.

They ruin it for us.

(Thanks a lot)

The point I'm trying to make is that people have now ruined the book Stephenie Meyer was writing as companion to Twilight, same story but written from Edwards point of view, called Midnight Sun. Apparently before it was finished, it was illegally leaked onto the internet for mass distribution essentially ruining the story... AND now it's on hold...

Indefinitely.

A HUGE part of me is dying to know what's inside Edwards head, not only does Midnight Sun give an insight into his reasons for his actions and his emotions, it also gives us an answer to what he does when not with Bella... Very intriguing...

Just look at that face... Who wouldn't want to know his thoughts???

(Fortunately to make me feel less guilty... Stephenie posted it on her website after it was out... I feel saddened by this betrayal of her trust and hope she can overcome it some day to finish this book... I know it'll be good)

You can find a PDF copy here.

If you're curious as to what Stephenie had to say about it you can click here to read about it.

Now, while I don't condone what this person did, I can't keep my curiosity at bay...

After all, I'm only human.

Tonight is the night!!!

2008-12-05T13:10:00.001-08:00

I'm going to see Twilight!!!

FINALLY!!!

I've been waiting for the crowd to disperse so that I can fully enjoy the movie on the big screen... Now it's me and Edward Cullen time...

I'll let you know how it goes.

Alpha Male

2008-12-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

I'm an independent contractor which pretty much means I'm self employed but I'm lucky...

I consistently work for one company (and as in company, I mean one person).

(Thank the Lord I have work, cuz the economy SUCKS right now!)

Anyway... We had a meeting down at the Laguna Beach office today and being the only girl was... interesting.

Being the only girl there I got to see men in their element and how they work with each other...

Men can piss each other off and then ten minutes later be cool... I dont know about other women but it takes me a little while to cool off, not forever, but not ten minutes either!

The main company I work with has three principles, and all three are working on this rush job (that btw needs to be finished by December 6... can we say "Screwed"?) But since we're not even CLOSE to being finished and they have a meeting with the clients tomorrow tempers are short, everyone's doped up on caffeine and we're all a little sleep deprived which makes for a bad mixture.

And on top of all of this, two of the men in the meeting are used to being the lead on their jobs, put two together and heads are going to butt...

Here's how it went down...

Alpha Male 1: Is M working on the cash flow charts?

Minion: I gave him the cash flow chart.

Alpha Male 1: (irritation already in his voice) That's not what I asked.

Alpha Male 2: (entering the office) What did you ask???

Alpha Male 1: (huffs) Is M working on the cash flow charts?

Alpha Male 2: We gave M the cash flow charts. (with a lil'tude) I don't know if he's typing on his little keyboard at this very moment...

Alpha Male 1: (irritated, said more as a demand less as a question) Well, can't you find out?

Alpha Male 2: (annoyed) Alpha Male 1, your phone is right next to you, just call down to him and find out yourself.

Alpha Male 1: (Turning away from Alpha Male 2, towards his computer) That is not what I asked, just find out if M's working on it. It needs to be done now. (Even though it was only given to M ten minutes before)

Alpha Male 2: I don't understand how you need to ask someone else to call down to M, when YOUR phone is sitting on the desk right next to you.

Alpha Male 1: (Back still to Alpha Male 2) Just find out.

Alpha Male 2: (Flexes jaw, flips off Alpha Male 1 to his back and walks out of the office... to go call M)

Guess there can only be one alpha male.

Happy Turkey Day!

2008-11-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to stop and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving while my pie's in the oven...

*Sniff sniff*

...What's burning?

Ahh! My pie! Gotta go! Have a great one!

Handywomen

2008-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

This past weekend my mom and I undertook the task of reconstructing our entertainment center...

My "brilliant" idea.

(The weekend before that we had tiled the entryway and underneath the entertainment unit, which now looks beautiful. See below...)

Ahem, so back to my "brilliant" idea...

One evening, or maybe it was a Sunday... Anywho, we were watching HGTV (which always gets me to believe that I can redecorate my entire house for only $500, pfft) and it dawned on my how ugly our entertainment center is. It's a really tall entertainment center where you set the TV inside...

I figured, if we take off the top and cut it down and reattach the top we can set the TV on top! Brilliant idea no?

Want to know how the story ends? Scroll down.

Before...

After!

Who says construction's a mans job? Haha... Actually I would... I will never take on something like this again... I hate circular saws.

Just a thought...

2008-11-23T12:03:00.000-08:00

I really think it'd be nice if dogs could talk... Or maybe just mine. Sometimes I'd really like to know what they're thinking...

Earlier this morning my dog was laying on my bed next to my with his head on my lap. I was working away on my laptop and he clearly wanted attention, attention that I was trying so hard to deny him. And he just sat there, staring at me and wagging his tail. He was wagging it so hard that I could feel the movement through the bed. At that moment it would've been really nice if he could just TELL me what he wants.

Do you know how hard it is to try and get information from a dog?

WOW.

2008-11-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

It amazes me how cute kids can be sometimes... Thanks 'Cali Girl' for sharing this with me!!!

Just One Letter

2008-11-22T22:22:00.000-08:00

Dear inconsiderate jerk driving the car in front of me tonight,

Yes you. I saw you, I know what you did... Throwing your garbage out of your car door and into the street... I cannot believe you did that, and your lucky my father was in the car or else I would've taken your trash and followed you around until you parked and thrown it at you... Okay, maybe that's an empty threat but that threat shows you just how much I DON'T appreciate you littering. Stop being lazy and pick up your dang trash and put it where it belongs. Or else next time I'll ram your car... Another empty threat? Maybe... There's only one way to find out.

Sincerely,

The person who believes the earth isn't your trash can

*Inspired by Clear Girl Goes Blog

Running Update

2008-11-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

So you're probably wondering why I haven't updated you on my status on training for the 5k in February...

Well, just to let you know. I haven't dropped the ball (training wise), I've actually started running on the treadmill at my gym instead of outside. Because of the time change, during the week when I wake up at 5.45 it's still super dark outside and that doesn't exactly motivate me to jump out of bed and go for a run.

Especially in my neighborhood...

Thankfully my college is right down the street and their gym opens at 6am for all those crazies who like to get their workout in before the crack of dawn. Like me.

Anywho. I don't know if it's just me but doesn't it seem like it's easier to run on a treadmill versus the track???

Since I've made the transition to the gym I've been able to get up to a mile and a half! That may not seem like much to you, but to me it's huge!!! I've NEVER in my life run more than a mile...

And when I was forced to run the mile it was in middle school and part of the time my friends and I'd walk... We were too cool to run, for reals.

So that three mile goal seems a little closer now.

Yay me.

Manual Labor

2008-11-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

sucks...

I have a new found appreciation for people who work in construction... It is NOT easy!!! I had a dinner party this past Saturday. Not only was it for the express purpose of the enjoyment of my friends all together in one place but to get the entryway in our home tiled (aka ulterior motive).

Since my mom purchased the home back in 2005 it's been under a constant state of construction... Do you know what that feels like? No? Well let me explain...

The moment we (meaning her, cuz at this point I was still living on campus... Thank God!) moved into the condo she ripped out all the cabinets and appliances in the kitchen and gutted the bathrooms, bought new appliances and cabinets, replaced the carpet and wood floors and repainted throughout the house... Ambitious much?

Since then nothings been the same... I don't even remember what base board looks like... I was so used to having a concrete entryway that every time I walk through the entryway I stop and stare at our new beautiful tile!!! Which my mom and I installed... Okay, so she layed the tile... But I helped with the grout which is really the hard part... It's like mud and makes a mess. Think youre OCD with washing your hands 20 times a day??? Try again, after spreading the grout over the tile and into the cracks you have to let it dry...

And then wash it... Let it dry... Wash it... Let it dry... Wash it...

Get my drift? It's an OCDer's fantasy.

After washing it so many times your body just aches! My mom's amazing cuz I only helped with the grout and washing part, she had to lay the tile too!!! I'll post a picture of it later! It's beeyouteeful!

On to the base board!!!

Freeway Flirting

2008-10-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

I just dont get it.

Not only do I attract gardeners and truck drivers but now, weird men on the freeway.

Is this what our society has digressed to? Instead of being hit on in person, now it's not only through cyberspace but through separate cars driving at high speeds???

This depresses me.

What happened to chivalry? To being woo'd (if that's even how you spell it)?

What happened to ROMANCE? Courting? Face to flippin' face relationships?!?

It's like the world has become devoid of human contact, we're breeding generations to communicate to each other and have RELATIONSHIPS through the computer??? What is that all about?

You're probably thinking I'm crazy or out of mind or paranoid. No. I assure you, I'm none of these things. Let me explain.

The other day I was driving along, minding my own business when out of my peripheral vision I notice a car that's been riding next to me for a while. I look over and the guy smiles at me. Being who I am, I just figured he was being friendly so I smile back.

Big mistake. BIG.

He continues to ride next to me. But now, to get my attention, he's waving his hands. I look over and he's grinning and waving me to come over (ahem, come over where?!)...

I laugh because I realize at that moment, how sad the situation was... and because he was making a fool of himself and my laugh just couldn't be helped. He starts making hand movements which I suppose meant he wanted to talk to me and to get off the freeway.

(Yeah right, like I want to be murdered by some loon who's trying to pick me up on the freeway, I watch CSI)

I shake my head no (all the while smiling because I am in complete and utter shock that someone is trying to pick me up on the FREEWAY) and speed up to get away from him. In order for me to accomplish this I had to move into the right lane since the car ahead of me wasn't driving the speed I deemed suitable for getting away from the loon.

Big mistake number two.

He thought I was getting off the freeway, so what does he do? He follows me. As I watch him slide across two lanes and speed up to get behind me I start to worry: Is this guy gonna follow me to the office??? Fortunately, for me, I like to push the limits of what my car is capable of... And sometimes I fantasize about being a stunt car driver. At the last possible minute, instead of exiting the freeway I swing back into the slow lane and continue on my way. Sans loon.

Happy ending yes?

Well, maybe not for the loon.

Boobs

2008-10-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right. I said it. You know they're on all of your minds this month! Why? Because it's breast cancer awareness month of course!

(Duh)

Anyway, we all know boobs are an important part of life. They are the source of nutrition for our babies, great as a shelf to set our plates (if you were blessed with big ones), and well God put them there for a reason!

I wanted to post a blog about this because my second cousin had breast cancer, she's now in remission (thank God) but only after a lot of effort on the part of the doctors to kill the cancer cells through chemo therapy and finally the unfortunate removal of one of her breasts. Thankfully insurance pays for cosmetic surgery for such a thing and although it'll never be the same, she still has her shelf.

Praise the Lord!

So. What I'm here to say to all of you... Ladies and gentlemen... Is to check yourself! And check often! Getting that annual mammogram is awesome and all, but it isn't enough.

Do your at home self-examination. For everyone's sake.

And hey, did you know:

One in eight women or 12.6% of all women will get breast cancer in her lifetime.

Breast cancer risk increases with age and every woman is at risk.

Every 13 minutes a woman dies of breast cancer.

Seventy-seven percent of women with breast cancer are over 50.

Approximately 1400 cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in men in 2000 and 400 of those men will die.

More than 1.7 million women who have had breast cancer are still alive in the United States.

Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54, and the second cause of cancer death in women 55 to 74.

Early detection of breast cancer, through monthly breast self-exam and particularly yearly mammography after age 40, offers the best chance for survival.

Ninety-six percent of women who find and treat breast cancer early will be cancer-free after five years.

You are never too young to develop breast cancer! Breast Self-Exam should begin by the age of twenty.

Forward Thinking

2008-10-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the Bucket List with my mom.

(Netflix. It's the best thing since sliced bread. I love that I can go online, make a list (so long that it'll take months for me to get through it) and wait patiently, or sometimes not so patiently for it to arrive in my mailbox. How great is that?)

Anywho. I've decided that, although I'm not on my deathbed or have 6 months to live, I'm going to make a PREBucket List. I've experienced enough death in my life to realize that the time God gave us on earth is a huge blessing. Each day I thank Him for that day and I don't want to let Him down by not making each day as great as possible.

1. Visit every continent

2. Run a 5k marathon

3. Ride in a hot air balloon

4. Plan and execute a road trip across the country

5. Read the whole Bible

6. Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally

7. Attend the opening ceremony of the Olympics

8. Grow my own garden

9. Surprise my mom with flowers

10. Send a message in a bottle

11. Learn not to say yes when I really mean no

12. Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab

13. Be a mentor

14. Learn to juggle

15. Learn to live slowly

16. See all seven wonders of the world

17. Visit Walt Disney World

18. Eat a meal good enough to be my last

19. Pass on family traditions

20. See the Mona Lisa (actually I can check this one off)

21. Learn to sail

22. Become fluent in French.

23. Choose a country (ahem, French) and learn not only the language that is spoken there, but also study its customs, its cuisine, its art, and its history

24. Parachute

25. Slow dance at the top of the Eiffel Tower

My list could really go on forever.

So what's your PREBucket List???

A few quotes to inspire you...

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." Helen Keller

"Consciously seek out experiences that expand your sense of who you are and what you are capable of."

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss

Nama

2008-10-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

I'm writing to let you know that this past week has been one of the hardest weeks I've had to live through. Last Saturday (October 4th), my Nama passed away. For almost two years now she has been in and out of the hospital with a hand full of medical problems including COPD, Congestive Heart Failure, pneumonia, etc. About a month ago she went in for a routine doctors exam and found a urinary tract infection which was treated with antibiotics, however when she returned home she was having trouble breathing and her BP was low. Her doctor advised my Aunt Kelly to take her to the emergency room where she was admitted. There they found that she had contracted MRSA, a type of staph disease. After about 3 weeks she was sent to a rehab clinic to finish her recovery and get physical therapy. While there, on the 1st of October she fell and was bruised badly on her left side, she complained of severe pain and was x-rayed the following day. They found no breaks and wanted to continue her physical therapy, however, she could not get out of bed from the pain, her BP was low again so she was sent back to the hospital. Upon arriving at the hospital they did a second x-ray where they found a clear break in her hip and bleeding around it. However, this was the least of her problems. On the following Friday, the 3rd, they found another infection, this time in her colon, called C. Diff (Clostridium difficile). C. Diff is a naturally occurring bacteria in our colon which helps digestion. Another type of bacteria, of which I dont know the name, helps control C. Diff and is also present in the colon to help prevent intense diarrhea. However, when antibiotics are taken, the bacteria that controls C. Diff is killed by the antibiotics. This can cause the C. Diff to become overgrown and is very dangerous to the elderly. Because my Nama had taken anitbiotics not only for the urinary tract infection but the MRSA, her C. Diff controlling bacteria was low in her colon and the C. Diff became overgrown. Friday afternoon, my Aunt Kelly notified my mom and I that her condition was serious and to come immediatly. We left that afternoon. Upon arriving at the hospital, she was heavily sedated and could barely communicate. In the ICU we were required to dress in a gown and gloves. We were not allowed to touch her, at least not on the skin, and we weren't allowed to kiss her. Which I didn't know until after I'd done so. By the time we'd arrived her body was highly toxic from the C. Diff. and although less harmful to younger people is still highly contagious and dangerous. (Dont worry, I didn't get it from kissing her, I'm sure my immune system fought it off, the first symptoms are diarrhea and abdomin pain, neither of which I've experienced) Because of the level of the infection in her colon the doctor advised us that the next option was surgery, to remove all of her colon. She would be put on a colostomy bag, she would be in and out of the hospital from malnutrition and dehydration, she would have to be fed through a feeding tube and her already chronic diarrhea would be a lot worse. A situation we all knew she would not want to be put in. Not a way for someone to live. The other option was to continue the medication she was on to see if the C. Diff could be reduced and put under control. The kids (her kids) decided to give the medication a chance and see if things changed overnight. Saturday, before we arrived at the hospital we were notified that not only had things not improved but they were getting worse. We needed to make a decision, and quick. To do the surgery, of which there was not guarantee that she would make it off the operating table or to just make her as comfortable as possible. The kids decided not to put her body through the pain of an operation. They kept her on the medication until almost all her kids arrived at the hospital (save Uncle Bill, who was in San Fran at his new job). Once everyone was there, they gave her morphine and took her off the medication. We all said our goodbyes and told her how much we love her and will miss her. That afternoon she passed away. My mom and I came home late Sunday night. The following morning we repacked and spent the week with Aunt Kelly. Helping her with the funeral arrangements and necessary phone calls. It has felt like the weekend that wouldn't end. Thursday was the funeral, followed by a wake. The funeral was beautiful. My Aunt Kelly did a beautiful eulogy, I know Nama would have loved it, she had military honors, each of her kids were presented with a flag, and she even got a fly by (not planned). She is now buried at Oak Hills Cemetery under a grand oak tree. The perfect place for her to rest.

I just wanted to say that I hope you are all well and that you dont hold off on telling those you love that you love them. Everyday isn't too much. Dont take it for granted because one day they wont be there and you wont be able to hold their hand or kiss their cheek.

So with that said, I love you.

Me Time

2008-09-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

I consider myself an outgoing friendly person.

I'm notorious for my "happy go lucky" personality.

A kid in my high school drama class, for his final, created a song about the class. He included a comment about everyone. And what did he say about me???

Christina smiles... a lot.

=]

A friend of mine commented one time, that if I were to get cut, I'd bleed sunshine.

So you get my drift?

And really, it's not like I'm HAPPY all the time. Or drugged. Or fake. I have my days, my lapse in personality where it's just NOT my day. I do.

Its those times, when I'm low, where I'm truly grateful for my "me time". Of course I have to schedule my "me time", like a prescription, to make sure I get the required fix or things go downhill. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 6AM to 7.30, whether it's needed or not. Saturday when I wake and Sunday before dinner.

My "me time" is the gym.. or the running track... Depending on the day.

I love it. I look forward to it. It's the perfect boyfriend.

I don't have to get dressed up. I don't have to match or wear make-up. Heck, I don't even have to make sure my teeth are brushed... (Ahem, for the early morning "me times", other than that I'm hygiene conscious) I don't have to worry if I'm interesting, witty, know the latest current events or if the other person is having a good time.

I just roll out of bed, throw a random arrangement of clothes on, plug myself into the iPod, leash the dogs and go.

I love my boyfriend.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

2008-09-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

Seriously?

I think there's been leaking gas from my stove or my mom hid open paint remover cans underneath my bed.

Last weekend I went to Target to buy the normal toiletries.. face wash, acne cream, toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo & conditioner...

or what i THOUGHT was shampoo and conditioner... until this morning when i realized for the first time that i'd been washing my hair with TWO bottles of conditioner for the past week...

it's not even like they're the same consistency! one lathers up and the other stays more creamy!

fortunately i can argue that they both look identical to eachother save two small minor details... one says shampoo, the other conditioner, and the shampoo has a number 1 on it and the conditioner, respectively, a number 2. BUT both of these minute details! i swear.

i'm so smart. =]

Moving On

2008-09-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

That's right.

I'm moving on. And I think it's about time I did.

Not to sound melodramatic or even cavalier in manner... But actually, let me update you so you know what I'm talking about... So we'll go back in time about four years.

To when I first met my best friend, and when I mean best friend I mean the mother of best friends, two peas in a pod, the Thelma to my Lucy, if she was a MAN I would've married her.

Not to say our relationship was perfect.

In the beginning she was a little apprehensive to be my friend, or anyone's for that matter. She was always stand-offish, a little cold, and introverted. Eventually, she became less so, after hanging out with me. I, quite frankly, wear my freakin' heart on my shoulder. Gets me in more trouble than it's worth. But that's where it'll stay. I am who I am. And now I know, she is who she is.

I always felt like I had to do more of the work than normal. I was the one who called her, who made plans, who initiated things. Before now, I didn't realize that I was doing it. In my group of friends I normally am the one who does the planning, who gets everyone together, who's the hostess. So this position came/s naturally to me. But about four months ago she got a boyfriend, her first.

In the beginning we disagreed on her relationship with him. We're both religious (in the beginning of our friendship, her more so than I). We believe in God, that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and that He is our Savior. We each have our own relationship with Him and our ways of celebrating that have always been slightly different. (I'm Catholic and she's Christian.) I've never gripped about the differences and she's never reluctant to point them out.

Our disagreements over her relationship put a wedge in ours. A wedge that's slowly grown, until we were so far apart I don't think we could hear what the other was saying. Lately, we haven't had a relationship at all. We used to speak every other day, hang out multiple times a week, work out together, take trips to the beach together, pig out on junk food together. It quickly flipped to once every other week, all the while she would talk to me about all the things she was doing with him. I knew there was going to be SOME adjustment, but to loose my BEST friend completely??? It was HARD. I had to adjust to having someone there to talk to, to confide in, to bounce my ideas off of, to vent at, to no one.

And now, I haven't heard from her in weeks. The last time I heard from her was two days before she was supposed to go to see Wicked with me and our other friends. She text me that Thursday morning saying, "Hey- decided not to go to wicked. Not really felling it. Sorry. Can the ticket be refunded?"

What kind of friend does that??? Two days before we're supposed to go? And after how she'd just disappeared. The week before we were supposed to hang out, she forgot, twice, in one day. That should've been a red flag.

Anyway, I'm done. I'm moving on.

Les Chiens

2008-09-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

My dogs... I love them like kids. Chestnut, the fat black one, is super so sensitive. He has so much expression displayed in his eyes and his eyebrows... It amazes me. He's a chihuahua dachshund mix, overweight, missing teeth and compact like a sausage. Buster Brown on the other hand, looks a little vacant upstairs, has bad breath and does the wrong trick with the wrong command. He's a pure breed mini dachshund and he can do this amazing little trick... Well, it's more like "hey, pay attention to me" move... He can sit up on his hind legs and stare at you for the longest time... It's the greatest thing. Anyway... I wanted them to make a little cameo on my page. So now you're introduced.

Sunrise Run

2008-09-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

This morning I went for a run... I've started the whole training schedule I talked about last blog. Anyway, I'm not really a morning person, so for me to get up and out of the house at six in the morning is a feat all of its own. Especially this morning... This was the third morning a a row that I've woken up extra early to get my workout in. I didn't actually get out of bed until six... Whoops. Anyway, I get down to the track and I as I'm running around in circles, I watch the sun rise. It was so beautiful. My picture doesn't do it justice. (I took the pic with my camera phone.) But it totally made my run worth it.

Running

2008-09-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided to run a 5k marathon... I hate running and it was a widely accepted belief that the only way someone could get me to run is if I was being chased by a murderer, rapist, psycho, etc.

Anyway, I've decided that just for the sake of seeing how far I can push myself and how much sheer determination I have that I'm going to start training. My new workout regime goes as follows... Mondays and Fridays I have off, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I run, first few weeks I'll be running for three to four minutes and walking one and repeating this for a mile and a half. Wednesdays and Sundays cardio in the gym...

My marathon is in February so I have plenty of time to get into shape right? Haha... I guess we'll see!

Regret

2007-11-27T22:54:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like your making the wrong choices for your life? I do. Every day a part of me screams in the back of my mind, demanding whether or not I'm making the right decision for my future. I'm barely past 24 and I'm already stressing so much over this that I can't sleep at night. Is that normal? Am I supposed to be so stressed out about making mistakes this early in my life? I think I finally learned something new about myself. I always thought I knew my biggest fear. But I've been wrong this whole time. My biggest fear is regret. I don't want, years from now, to regret decisions I've made today. But how do I know which ones to make? I know I'm supposed to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer" (ROM 12:12) but I'm human. It's so hard for me to give it up to God, it's so hard for me to let Him work through me to take me to where I need to be. I'm scared. I'm scared to death and it's eating at me. I WANT to believe that everything is going to be okay, that when the time comes God will reveal His purpose for me. Most days I can handle this, I give it all up to God, but other days I yank it back and coddle it close to my chest. My whole life I've grown up learning from my role models what not to do in life, what mistakes to avoid. Who's going to set an example of what TO do? When's that going to happen? I've witnessed in my life so many things that I know to avoid that I could make a novel out of it, but where's my GOOD example, where's my example of where perseverance and hard work have come in to play and turned out for the better? Where's my example of waiting and being patient for what God has planned for you to come about. What if I worry so much about waiting for a sign from God that I miss it? How am I supposed to know that something TRULY is a sign from God and not something I'm reading too much into? How do I know that something I'm sure isn't right for me truly isn't right? How do I know whether or not I'm making sense or just babbling out of sheer frustration and angst from not knowing what is to come. I wish I could have just one glimpse, no. I don't even need a glimpse, I just want some sort of acknowledgment that I'm on the right path, that I'm on the path the Lord wants me to be on, that He's actually proud of where I've taken myself. I feel like all this work I did through school has brought me to nothing, have I worked so hard in school to actually start at the bottom of the rung? Why do I have this panic sort of feeling in the pit of my stomach when I talk to a friend who works somewhere where I was so set on working only 6 months ago. Today I'm so sure that I don't want to be working there yet I feel afraid. Afraid that I've made the wrong choice for myself. I feel so lost.

Frustrated

2007-02-17T17:33:00.000-08:00

Dont you hate those days that start without you? You wake up late and feel so unproductive that it ruins the rest of your day? I had one of those days today. It drives me nuts when I feel like this. So uncontent with things, ready for something new, a change... And yet, nothing. Everything stays the same, or maybe its me that stays the same.