La Jeune Fille

Remember those days when we were young and life seemed to pass at a crawl?

I so do. I remember those days fondly, when I'd look forward to summer where all I had to worry about were my chores. I'd run around the streets with a few neighborhood kids, we'd ride bikes in the neighborhood church parking lot, collect golf balls and sell them at the local golf course and eat our weight in Popsicles.

Summer of last year I got a little taste of that when I went on a family trip to Page, AZ. We booked a timeshare for two weeks on a houseboat. It was the best time of my life... My family's a little crazy, but whose isn't?

Man, to be a kid again...

i'm headed to their concert in may and i'm SO EXCITED.

what?! you've never heard of them?!

you need to check out their music video then. right now.

=]

Before I go into my story from last week, let me explain what I do. I am a sub-contractor or a consultant... Which is pretty much a fancy way of saying I'm self-employed.

Anyway, I work with a guy, let's call him "Tim". He works for himself out of his home. He, like me, is a consultant. He has one main client that he works for, this client is BIG in our industry and gets a lot of jobs. Let's call Tim's client "Sandy".

[AND another side note... my friend Ashley and I are looking for a place to live. We want to be roomies. Because of the housing market, she decided to purchase a house rather than us rent, which is awesome and exciting. A little scary too, for her, because this is HUGE.]

So, last Monday... I came into work and Tim called me into his office. He said that Sandy called him earlier that same morning and said that he wanted to "phase me out" which means that he wants to slowly replace me with someone else.

The person he has in mind is a guy he knows through his church. Sandy is a huge promoter of his church. HUGE. And I think that's great, good for him and all. But according to Tim, Sandy has been trying to get more of his church people to work for him so that he can drop Tim (now Tim and me)... Poor Tim. I've seen this first hand, last year we had a guy working with us. He didn't last more than a month. Poor guy.

(Sad thing, Tim is the only one willing to put up with Sandy's crap. Sandy has a temper. A big one. I've also seen this first hand, not directly at me but I've watched him rip Tim's head off and spit down his throat. Not a fun thing to watch.)

(He's also micromanages, which is killer to work for. Trust me. I'm just glad I don't work directly with Sandy. If I did, I wouldn't still be working here.)

Anyway, Tim told me this and then said that he'd fight for me. He'd fight for me as long as he won't lose business. Most of what Tim said after this went in one ear and out the other. My mind was reeling, I didn't know what to think. I was already making plans in my head. I was so scared. I wanted to cry right there but I kept it in.

I hate crying in front of people.

One thing I knew that I had to do right away was call Ashley. She had plans to put in an offer on a house that day. Ugh. I didn't know if my unemployment would have any effect on whether or not she'd bid on a home but I had to let her know before she did it. Come to find out the house wouldn't have worked out for her and we found a better one.

Anyway, I couldn't really concentrate the rest of the day. I was too upset. I sat at my desk and cried a little. I couldn't completely let go, I didn't want Tim to hear. That afternoon, he called Mic (one of Sandy's business partners) and told him about Sandy's plan. Tim said that Mic loves me, he knows I'm a good worker (since he's worked with me) and knows that I'm worth keeping around. Tim said that maybe Mic would call Sandy and talk to him about keeping me on anyway.

Not an hour after I came home and had told my mom the news, Tim called and said that Sandy had called him. Sandy said that I have nothing to worry about, this "phasing out" wont be right away, that it's a long term thing.

Tim says two years.

Which is good. I don't need more than that because I'm planning on going back to school. He said that Sandy's 100% behind us, whatever that means. All I know is, I'm still scared. I don't trust Sandy, not that I did before but now it's worse. Now I'm bracing myself, in case something happens. After the phone call, I bawled. I was so relieved that at least tomorrow I'd have my job.

What I don't understand is why he'd want to replace me just to replace me. His reason wasn't because of my poor quality of work product or that his business is slowing down and he can't afford me. In fact this business is booming right now. He merely wants to replace me with someone because of my religion. Yeesh.

It was funny timing though, the weekend before, I did my taxes and found a bunch of money that I didn't need to pay the government... Like this was all of Gods plan. Most of it's going into savings now in preparation for losing my job, just in case it happens. But had this scare not happened who knows what I would've done with the money, paid off some of my mom's debt, bought us some new clothes or something... Spent part of it, that's for sure... And on something that is not completely necessary.

Thankfully, I had it to pay for Buster Browns dental surgery which was badly needed (my mom doesn't have the money to pay for Busters teeth) and for saving, which is really important. Now more than ever.

I'm almost glad it happened. I'm increasing the amount I save per paycheck and I'm going to open an IRA, which is an investment account for retirement. AND it happens the day that Ashley is planning on making a bid, not the day after! Yikes.

God works in mysterious ways. =] Let's thank Him for that, shall we?

Relationships are messy.

That's why for the majority of my 25 years in existence I've avoided them like a hooker avoids a cop.

With fear, distrust, and uncertainty.

(And I'm sure I sound a little jaded but I swear it has all to do with my insecurity, which I'm sure doesn't make me look any more appealing)

I didn't date in high school. Mostly, it's because the other sex didn't find me attractive... but partially it's because I didn't put myself out there. I kept my heart in a little box locked in a bigger box buried in my backyard under my favorite climbing tree.

I was afraid (and still am) of getting hurt. I got to witness it front and center when my mom left my dad and he just couldn't deal. It was hard for him and it took all of my childhood for him to heal.

Throughout college I had plenty of guy friends, buddies, pals, dudes. Nothing that ever became more. Guys who were interested in getting into my pants dating me never lasted. I'd want a relationship, they'd want booty call.

No thanks.

The point is, to this day, I'm still dumb-struck when a guy approaches me or even shows interest in taking me on a date. Me. Gulp.

Pathetic? I know.

Insecure? Yes, you're table is waiting.

So, now. Here I sit, dumb-struck.

A guy approached me today and somehow he got my number. I remember someone handing him my card... I think it was me.

And now. I don't know if I'm more terrified that he'll call or that he won't.

I need to get my head checked.

I'm sending in a very humiliating and absolutely TRUE secret about myself to Post Secret...

Wonder if they'll publish it in their next book.

I have no words to express what I felt after I reading an article called "Nugget Nightmare: 911 Called on McDonalds" this morning...

Essentially, a woman called 911 after finding out that her McDonalds had run out of McNuggets... And she not only called them once, or twice, but three times.

Seriously?

What is wrong with this lady?

I'm losing my confidence in the competency of the human race... and sadly, it amuses me.