Feb 25, 2009


Three day weekend for me.

Sacramento. Here I come.

Feb 24, 2009


The grass is always greener on the other side of the road... I hate that expression...

Because its SO true.


It's mostly true when I go to a restaurant and can't decide what to eat. Which isn't frequent because I rarely go out to dinner and when I do I want something good. I went to Chipotle the other night with a few friends and such a thing happened to me...

Jen: So what are you going to get? (Standing at the end of what seems like a very long line. It was a busy night.)

Me: Uh. No. What are you getting?

Jenn J.: (Yes there are two Jens) I'm thinking of the three tacos. Is that good?

Me: Very, but I don't think I can eat all three...

Jen: Want to share them? I'm not that hungry either.

Me: Uh. I don't know. I was thinking of the salad... but I'm not sure. Ugh. I hate when I do this.

Jen: Ok. We have time. Let me know.

Me: (watching the line get shorter as we creep to the front, panic starting to set in) Internal monologue: Tacos or salad... Tacos or salad... But the burrito bowl looks good too... Crap. Well. I know I want chicken, I always get chicken... Maybe I should try the veggie... I always try chicken. What is my problem... Why can't I just decide?

Jen: Soooo... Have you decided yet?

Me: Yes. Let's share something. (Next in line) Internal monologue: Ok, well at least I decided on sharing... That should narrow our options down... No to tacos. How are we supposed to split the third taco? I don't know her well enough yet to share saliva... Maybe the salad... No. It's mostly lettuce and salsa... That leaves the burrito bowl or the burrito...

Jen: (laughing because she's watching the conflict of decisions cross my face) Well, what do you want to share?

Me: Internal monologue: Damn... Well... Burrito bowl with chicken?

Jen: Ok.

Me: Internal monologue: Ok! Good... Good. Wait. Is Jenn J. ordering the salad??? Oh. It looks so good. The lettuce. The chicken. The salsa... Drat.

Feb 8, 2009


Thanks to Clever Girl Goes Blog... I've been assigned a meme!

What I must do is list ten things I like that start with the letter "A".

So... Here it goes.

1. Ansel Adams. Do I get points for the double "A"? My FAVORITE photographer. I wish I were as talented as he.

2. Avocados. They are so good!

3. Architecture... I love looking at architecture, especially that of really old buildings... One of my favorite places is Falling Water, a home built by Frank Lloyd Wright. I dont usually like modern styled buildings, but this one is so beautiful and it incorporates it's surroundings really well. If you haven't been, you need to go.

4. American Eagle Outfitters. I love this store!!! I love their sweaters and their flip flops the most!

5. America's Next Top Model... I love the photography aspect of it the most. I wish that I could work those photo shoots but from the photographers side of it. I hate that all the girls are so skinny. Ick. We need to change our image of what beauty is!

6. Apple... Not the fruit, although I love those too... I love Apple computers. I love my iPod. I'm not completely sold on the iPhone, I think I'll keep my Blackberry, thank you.

7. Archery. I used to do it as a kid... My step dad was really into it and so we'd go to tournaments... I think I even won a medal.

8. Anemone... That is a sea anemone. They are awesome... They are so beautiful and colorful, I was able to touch some while at the Long Beach Aquarium. They are also the home to clown fish, they're pretty too.

9. A Midsummer Nights Dream, my favorite play written by Shakespeare.

10. AIX-EN-PROVENCE!!!!!!!!!!! It's a town in the south of France and I lived there for a year!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVED it... I would go back in a heart beat... Maybe I'll sell my kidney to buy my plane ticket... Any takers?

I'm gonna cheat...

11. Angelina Jolie... She is one bad ass actress... Did I just say ass? Hunh...

12. Austen... Jane Austen. One of the BEST authors EVER.

13. Art... Especially photography. I love photography... I also love, paintings. Monet is awesome.

Ok, I could go on... But I'm going to bore you... :) If you want to do this meme, comment and I'll assign you a letter!

Feb 4, 2009

Sometimes... I feel like I have a multiple personality disorder.


Unlike some people (who've since birth known exactly what they want to do), I have no flippin' idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I'm 25 years old and I. HAVE. NO. IDEA.

OR rather, I have many ideas.

Whoever said more options is better than none is full of it.

When I was little, all I could think about being was a teacher. They were the ones with all the power... besides parents. They say, you obey. Plus, they got to mark up papers with colorful fancy pens. I even played pretend school with some of the kids in my neighborhood.

In high school, I was less sure what I wanted. I just knew, like I've always known, that the one thing I want most is to be happy. Plain and simple.

In college my major started out as Liberal Studies, logically, because that's what I always thought I wanted to be. Then I started doubting myself. I hate that word. Doubt. Ugh. Anyway, I ended up changing my major to business. I loved my classes, got great grades, blah, blah, blah. One problem. I didn't have any clue as to what I'd do with my degree once I was done. I just knew I didn't want to be stuck managing some retail store. Not me. I can't handle people when they're yelling in my face complaining about something so minuscule and unimportant. I'd slap them in the face and then quit.

Then, as graduation became more visible on the horizon I knew I needed to get my butt in gear. That's when my current job "fell" into my lap. I took it and have been there ever since. In the beginning I thought it could potentially be a job that I'd do for the rest of my life. To be an appraiser in this specialized field.

But I was wrong.

The actual job I do now, I like it, and on some days I'd say I even love it. But the income potential is null unless I take more classes and become certified. Which is not what I want to do.

I feel like I've hit the glass ceiling and I'm going no where and my life is slowly pressing me harder and harder into that ceiling until either I or the ceiling breaks.

When it comes to this, to my future, I've never been one to settle. Now wont be any different.

Now I just need to figure out what my next step will be. Currently, I've taken an interest in Urban and Regional Planning... I took a class in it through an extension program at a college near me. I enjoyed it and am now volunteering twice a month in the planning department for the city... Well, I've only gone once so far. But I know that doing this (even though I'm not getting paid) will help me answer my next question: Is this what I want to do?

But while I'm waiting to answer my own question I can't help but think of other options...

Go to a culinary arts school ? Do photography? Work on a cruise ship and travel? Teach English in a foreign country? Manage of some retail store and make more money but be miserable? Become a sub-teacher while I wait out our crummy economy? Stay where I'm at and continue to be dirt poor? Go back to school? And for what? Become a teacher, urban planner, or for my MBA? Can I even afford to go back to school?

The problem is in deciding, not in doing. I've proven it to myself that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. (see:5k marathon blogs)

Now all I have to do is decide. Sounds so simple.

Feb 2, 2009

On time and late.

How is it possible to be on time and late?

I don't have the exact answer, but I'm sure I did just that yesterday at my 5k marathon.

The plan was to wake up at 4.30 in the morning and leave my house at 5.15 to be in Huntington by 6.45. That all worked out according to plan... Sort of.

Let me set the scene.

6.25 am: Starbucks, Newport Beach Blvd, Newport. We decided to stop there for water and a bathroom break. About 20 minutes away from destination.

6.43 am: Coasting down PCH towards destination (Huntington St & PCH, Huntington, CA).

6.45 am: Thanks to my anxiousness, we pulled into the first parking lot for the event (Brookhurst & PCH, Huntington Beach, CA). What we didn't realize at the time was this parking lot was a little over TWO MILES away from the start line... And we walked it.

7.05 am: My anxiety increases as I realize that not only the start line but the event center tent is no where in site and my run starts in 10 minutes. I speed up as I realize the other runners around me are here for the half marathon which starts at 7.45 am.

7.15 am: Still haven't arrived at event center, realizing I need to go to the bathroom and wont be able to run 3 miles until I do so... I took off at a faster pace, leaving my mom with plans to meet her at the finish line.

7.28 am: Finally, I arrived at the event center and to my dismay the line for the restrooms is a million miles long (ok, maybe that's an exaggeration but it felt that long)

7.47 am: After waiting in line for what felt like forever, I headed out to find the start line for the 5k race. Because it was so late, I started to feel discouraged. Would they even let me start so late? How am I going to get across the street with hundreds of runners running?

7.51 am: I decided to cross the street and start somewhere in between the start line for the half marathoners and the 5k start line...

37 minutes later...


I can't believe it. Thinking back on it. I dont know how I did it. It felt so much shorter than what I expected. It was great.

I'm totally doing it again next year.

It's who I am.

I did it. I made it to the finish line.

And it feels good.

So in honor of crossing that finish line I'm going to give you a little insight. Into me.

Over the past few months I've really learned a lot about me and what I'm capable of. I am determined, self-motivated (for the most part), a dreamer, a romantic.

I love with my whole heart which is, at some moments in my life regrettably, worn on my sleeve. I'm open, and most hours in my life outrageously happy. I prefer to see the good in people instead of picking out the bad.

I'm impatient. Yes. I said it. I am, I know it, now you do.

I'm anxious, sentimental and easily distracted...

I have been and will always be slightly over weight, and I'm okay with that. For a long long time I wasn't. I wanted to be like the girls you see in magazines. Obviously. I mean, with the social expectations we Americans place on ourselves, what girl doesn't? And if they say they don't they're (a) lying, and secretly do or (b) have come to the realization, as I just have, that you are who you are and what you are is beautiful.


Yes. I know. I'm that too.

I try to compartmentalize my feelings. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, you can read my face like a book and I hate it.

I hate showing my vulnerable side, I hate being weak.

I'm a nurturer. I love taking care of other people.

... I'm more than this, but it's a start into getting to know who I am.

So. Hello. :)