La Jeune Fille

Relationships are messy.

That's why for the majority of my 25 years in existence I've avoided them like a hooker avoids a cop.

With fear, distrust, and uncertainty.

(And I'm sure I sound a little jaded but I swear it has all to do with my insecurity, which I'm sure doesn't make me look any more appealing)

I didn't date in high school. Mostly, it's because the other sex didn't find me attractive... but partially it's because I didn't put myself out there. I kept my heart in a little box locked in a bigger box buried in my backyard under my favorite climbing tree.

I was afraid (and still am) of getting hurt. I got to witness it front and center when my mom left my dad and he just couldn't deal. It was hard for him and it took all of my childhood for him to heal.

Throughout college I had plenty of guy friends, buddies, pals, dudes. Nothing that ever became more. Guys who were interested in getting into my pants dating me never lasted. I'd want a relationship, they'd want booty call.

No thanks.

The point is, to this day, I'm still dumb-struck when a guy approaches me or even shows interest in taking me on a date. Me. Gulp.

Pathetic? I know.

Insecure? Yes, you're table is waiting.

So, now. Here I sit, dumb-struck.

A guy approached me today and somehow he got my number. I remember someone handing him my card... I think it was me.

And now. I don't know if I'm more terrified that he'll call or that he won't.

I need to get my head checked.