La Jeune Fille

Dear Death,

Although your job requires you to fulfill certain obligations, I don't appreciate you using my family for a game of dodge ball, where you're the ball.

So, to give me (and my family) some reprieve I've made a list of demands... I mean, requests if you will, for you in lieu of knocking off all my family members until we don't exist.

1. Limit your family death toll to 2... per decade. This includes distant cousins, great aunts, adopted family members, and anyone twice removed, not just the immediate family.

2. Go on a vacation.

One that's very far away, where perhaps no other people live...

Maybe Pluto.

3. Retire. You've been doing this job for so long, I think it's time you gave it up.

4. If retiring is not an option, go on strike. I hear it's... "pleasant". You can demand better benefits, more pay, less hours... Less people to kill/take...

5. Kill only bad people... i.e. murders, drug dealers, rapists, child molesters, etc. Rid the world of the THOSE people, thus making this world a better place. It's a win, win situation. You get to do your job, we get to keep our families AND we live in a safer world. What could be so bad about that?

I know that your doing God's will and all, but can you talk to Him about perhaps, I don't know, increasing my families average life expectancy by, maybe 10... 50 years?

Please take my demands... er, requests into consideration and let me know... Before you kill off anymore people in my family.

Thanks.